September 4, 2009

Waylon Lewis, feeling generous, invests $6 million in Mix1.


Natural Products Tycoon Waylon Lewis, who invented Crocs, Izze, the bicycle, Celestial Seasonings, founded Whole Foods and Tesla Motors—all by the age of 26—has announced that he will not seek reelection as Colorado’s Governor in 2010, stating that “Colorado may be home to Boulder, Paper Bird, Watercourse, Shambhala Mountain Center, unparalleled natural beauty, hot springs and a bunch of 14ers—but unless we annex Utah, New Mexico, Wyoming and Nebraska, we probably won’t have the centralzied power we need to force green, efficient technology and free, fair healthcare on the rest of our great nation within the next six months—the deadline set by Lester Brown, my idol, for turning our society around and avoiding catastrophic climate change.”

In other news, Waylon Lewis Enterprises, LLC, threw $6 million at Mix1, a natural alternative to the health drinks that athletes and grandparents everywhere drink, saying, “now, dance, Monkey, and make me some more money.”


Then, Waylon Lewis woke up, and discovered that he was still poor, his bike’s brakes were broke, and that he hadn’t paid his mortgage…but that he lived in an awesome town, had a lot of good friends (and 10,000 twitter followers), a sweet mutt, and could go climbing at the Spot or do yoga at the Yoga Workshop any ol’ time he pleased.

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