May 28, 2010

Catching Thoughts: Get Out of Jail Free Card

When I moved to LA a year and a half ago I was dating someone who was sending me mixed signals which constantly felt like the rug was being pulled out from under my feet and old wounds from my Dad didn’t just surface but erupted which affected my emotional stability as well. Needless to say, these two things in tandem, made for an extra stressful transition into a city which scared the crap of me anyway. Things were so heavy that I decided it would be my mission to understand and incorporate ‘Love’ in my life. I felt like I didn’t really know what it was to love myself, thus another human being. I understood that I had attracted these bad feelings and that I had to find a way to attract a healthier way of being.  I’ve spent the better part of my time here finding out about love from people, books, online research and monitoring my own good and bad feelings.  I had my first MAJOR breakthrough this week. I’ll do my best to show you how it worked for me.

I was invited by Julie Dittmar to a Satsang that she and her partner Matt Kahn had in Culver City, CA earlier in the week.  I didn’t really know what to expect except that I had seen the YouTube videos they had on their channel and resonated with a lot of the wisdom that spilled forth from Matt. I had no idea what the topic would be ( and Matt says neither does he when he does them, he just tunes into the vibe of the group and speaks). Little did I know that this evening would upend what was there and instill in me a much deeper understanding of what love feels like and how to access it. This was an awesome gift, and left me unable to get out of bed the next day (felt like crap at the time, but I often find that it means a big shift inside is happening when I am floored). It was like the universe switched on a flashlight ( on high beam mind you) and said, “Yeah, you want to know about love? Well, here we go! Bam! Here’s a Sacred heart Meditation to bust open your heart. Bam! Here is someone who fulfills those feelings and qualities you say you want in a partner. BAM! Here is communication from the last person you dated who you can’t seem to get out of your system. Can you deal with it?” Julie had warned us that Matt ”has this effect” on people. If I had known how much it would move in me, I probably would have, well, I don’t know….prepared?

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Celia Aurora de Blas  |  Contribution: 5,820