April 20, 2011

5 Loving Ways to Deal with Our Childhood Issues—Forgiveness Heals.

I’m placing my aching heart before you – please operate.


At some point in our lives it’s important to forgive our parents for whatever they may have done to hurt or disappoint us and most importantly to allow ourselves to heal.

It can seem extremely difficult to forgive the people who have brought us into this life and then perhaps abandoned or deprived us of some very special ingredients i.e. love, guidance and attention, etc.

Some of the issues we have as adults (intimacy, anger, anxiety and self esteem) most likely developed when we were children. Perhaps we don’t even realize or understand the trauma that stems from long ago, but no matter what, as we persevere on our journey to discovering our true selves, we need to be able to open new doors, develop peace of mind and accept that all beings are fallible and worthy of love.

1. Find the strength. Know that you already have the ability to tap into the strength and resilience that lies within. You made it this far. You have the ability to go further, all you have to do is believe. Make a willed choice to replace the negative thoughts, patterns and experiences with compassion and positivity. Changing patterns requires more practice than choice. Use your strength to do so. Know that you are capable of extraordinary acts of love and heroic changes of heart. You can heal.

When obstruction arises, practice the opposite thought. – Yoga Sutras 2.33, Patanjali

2. Forgiveness and self forgiveness. Many of us may question why it’s important to forgive. It’s important because in so many ways it sets us free. If we refuse to forgive we remain a constant prisoner and victim of the past. We incessantly relive old patterns, old beliefs and then send these messages out into the world to be replicated by others over and over again. We forgive for the sake of our own inner freedom, to relinquish ourselves from the past and to become present. We forgive to reconnect with the oneness of the world.

Who says I can’t be free

From all the things that I used to be

Rewrite my history –

Who says I can’t be free?

John Mayer

3. Release. Mediate, do yoga, pray, volunteer – find ways to access your inner grace. Don’t suppress your emotions. Journal, talk about it and allow your grievances and pain to move around. We often pack our trauma and hardships into tiny boxes and hide them deep inside our being. We avoid these areas as we’re afraid of what it might feel like if we rediscover them, if we deal with them. Don’t be afraid. Talk to your parents. Be assertive, but compassionate. It will only help you. Even if they don’t listen or don’t’ want to hear it, it will help.

4. You are what you think. Stop beating yourself up. No matter how they treated you, no matter what happened, it wasn’t because there was something wrong with you. Stop judging yourself, being overly critical and feeling you weren’t good enough. Be honest and aware about what your actions, reactions and intentions are trying to compensate for in life.

5. All signs point back to you. You are in control. If your parents were abusive to you, or just not all they could be, know that they were probably victims of the same behavior. You have the ability to change this. For your children, your family, friendships and relationships, you can break this pattern. And, in the end, if you don’t get an apology or if your relationship with your parents doesn’t change for the better over time, know that you have. No matter what, it all always boils back down to you. Perhaps if we all work diligently on our ‘issues’ we become less careless to keep passing them on.

Asato Ma Sat Gamaya
Tamaso Ma Jyotir Gamaya
Mrityor Ma Amritam Gamaya
Om Shanti Shanti Shanti.

Lead Us From the Unreal To Real,
Lead Us From Darkness To Light,
Lead Us From Death To Immortality,
Aum (the universal sound of God)
Let There Be Peace Peace Peace.

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