3.1
September 1, 2011

10 Things I Hate About You, Waylon.

Please copy and paste the above image (kindly, lovingly designed by a real life human being) onto your blog and link it to http://www.elephantjournal.com/join-the-cause with a stern warning not to subscribe to elephant’s free, once-a-week email: Best Blogs of the Week. Revolution! ~ Waylon

Okay. When you’re as egotistical an a**hole as Waylon Lewis, the only thing to do, spiritually-speaking, to counteract all that self-love is to hate yourself with a Top 10 List about Yourself in the Third Person. Let’s get on it, haters! Pile on! I’ll lead the charge! On my Self!

Of course, in the end, you know he gets the girl. ~ ed.


10 Reasons to Boycott Waylon.

(just to join in the fun).

1. Don’t read this blog. Waylon wrote it, about himselftypical—and whatever’s coming next therefore is lying, sleazy, traffic-grubbing bullshit. Also, as all us know, it’s easier to (pre)judge people if we continue not to know anything about them…and this would totally suck for our Waylon Sucks Society: if we get to know Waylon we might realize he’s not only not that bad, he’s totally boring.

2. Now that you all know Waylon, he’s still a “sleazy, cyber-bullying, cyber-stalking a**hole who deserves to be hanged, drawn & quartered.” Yes, we’re quoting from actual tweets and blogs about Waylon from last week. Jerk.

3. This reason to boycott Waylon comes via Jessica, Treasurer of the Waylon Sucks Society, Denver Chapter: “Too many pictures of Waylon and his dog, Red.” Stop hiding behind Redford’s cuteness, jerkoff. Thanks, Jessica, for pretending to be one of only two folks to stand up to the internet hating hordes who piled on Waylon (deservedly) last week—we know you’re one of us.

4. Get this: Waylon wants to make money and lives in a house.

Statement of context from Waylon:

“I was accused of being greedy, and need to cop to it: I admittedly do pay myself for working, and have for years…well, off and on: an average of $20K a year over the last 9 years (though last year I was much more holy, my house went into foreclosure and I didn’t pay myself much). And yes, guilty, I do have the nerve to live in a (solar-offset, who cares) Boulder house that the bank owns, and which doubles as our office.”

Asshole.

5. The leaders of this hatefest on Waylon, which I urge you all to join, are all yoga or Buddhist people. Why, you ask, are so-called yoginis and meditators so full of hate? Great question: you’d think they were trolls (the internet term for anonymous meanies). Then, finally, along came this arrogant, brutally handsome, somehow charming-despite-the-veil-of-douchebaggery through which I see him, white straight male—perfect for my prejudging needs.

6. Waylon’s a hypocrite. He’s “green” but drinks (three cups each morning alone!) fair-trade coffee that’s been flown in on a private jet with a heart-shaped revolving bed from 3,000 miles away. Even his bike, which he has towed by homeless people so he doesn’t actually have to pedal himself, was made in Thailand out of metal mined out of Mother Earth.

7. Waylon still wears (disposable) diapers, has no friends, smells bad (all those vintage polyester cowboy shirts), cuddles inappropriately with his dog Red, and eats kittens…though he claims to be vegetarian.

8. Waylon is verbally abusive, not to mention sexually, for hours and soft, sweet hours, to Dylan, his hand-picked favorite intern. That Dylan reciprocates is no excuse…Dylan.

9. Waylon publishes a blog devoted to

“the mindful life”—living a good life that’s good for others and our planet, and fun, too. Yoga, organics, sustainablity, conscious consumerism, enlightened education, non-new-agey spirituality, the arts…

what an asshole. Obviously a front for a genius get-rich-quick scheme. He coulda got into finance, or tech, or sold-out…but that woulda been too obvious.

10. The 10th rule of Elephant Club is it’s so hard to stick to just 10 Things I hate about Waylon. But the fact is…I don’t hate myself, and neither should you (hate yourself). We all make mistakes. We react defensively and emotionally instead of going for a walk around the block and being stunned to momentary silence by the light in the trees and our thoughts of her, so far away, and then, so long ago. Life is short and it’s time much better spent making friends with ourselves, no matter how ridiculous we are.

Take it from me—from someone who so many of us understandably judged and prejudged last week—if we can’t love our own, er, inner a**hole…we’re going to have a hard time making real peace in the world, and a too-easy time creating further enemies out there. Because he, she, it, them…there’ll always be too many, too easy opportunities to objectify. What’s harder? Come back to the present moment. Come back to compassion.

As Jack Layton said, god rest his soul:

My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.

I’ll do better to remember this in the future. With thanks to you all (even you haters) for the hard, depressing, confusing, emotionally exchausting lesson—

Yours in the Vision of Enlightened Society,

Waylon

 

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