February 29, 2012

Breakup Sex 101. ~ Lori Wasserman

The relations after the relationship ends can be unintelligible.

You know that moment of weakness when you see your ex, and the two of you end up having the best sex of your relationship? That single, amazing, euphoric moment will inevitably complicate things.

Especially your ability to move on, and no matter how good the sex was before you broke up, the breakup sex will blow your mind. Like a great night out with your friends, you’re going to have a hangover.

So, you’ve recently broken up with your significant other. It sucks, no other way to put it. No matter what the reasons were, it hurts. After the initial week of wallowing in the fact that you are once again single and left to rebuild your single life, it happens.

Maybe you have some things you need to get from his or her place. Maybe you agree to a talk in order to clear the air. Whatever the reason you go to see your ex,  there is a chance you’ll be in engaging in post-relationship coitus: breakup sex.

Emotions are high, you’re feeling vulnerable and in need of some reassuring affection. It’s familiar. You still have feelings for each other and you know each other’s soft spots (so to speak). It takes the awkwardness out of this meeting, that is until you’re done, the haze wears off and it’s time to go back home – alone.

I wish I could say that I’ve been strong enough to steer clear of this relationship pitfall. I’ve been there, done that, and what I’ve learned is that it doesn’t make the moving on part any easier. Instead, it sets you back at least a week in terms of recovery time. It reignites the initial pain and sadness of the breakup and frankly leaves you feeling emotionally empty.

After all, before when you had sex, it was a way to communicate your love for that person. Afterwards you’d drift off into a blissful sleep in the arms of the person who loves you too. Now you’re just confused and going home alone, wondering what it meant to them.

My advice? Since hindsight is 20-20, I’m going to be real and suggest grabbing  a pint of your favorite ice cream (or whatever food that does it for you) on the way home. Oddly, it does help fill the void. One day I’ll get to the bottom of why that is, and why those calories never seem to stick to my thighs the way “happy” ice cream consumption does.

Maybe it’s the Universe’s way of being kind in our time of need? Needless to say, I’m grateful for it.

After your second indulgence of the day, vow to wake up and do something good for both your mind and your body. Even if it’s just a walk around the neighborhood, or visiting a furry friend who you know will never judge you and will only provide unconditional love.

Breakup sex happens. It’s not worth beating yourself up. You can’t take it back, you can only move forward. Own it and start to rebuild. Do something that’s just for you. Go to yoga. Get a mani / pedi. Organize your closet. Rearrange your apartment. Get some new sheets.

Changing your environment is the easiest and best way to create your new life and shake off the past. Focus on yourself and what you want to accomplish and you’ll attract that special someone who loves and appreciates you for all you are. In the end, that is the only person that deserves you anyway.


Editor: Jennifer Cusano

Lori Wasserman is the co-founder of myntology.com, a Board Certified Holistic Health Practitioner, certified Vinyasa Yoga instructor, and a graduate of the Institute for Integrative Nutrition. A NYC native that happily admits it took her 35 years to figure out what she was meant to do in life, and despite her education, has a huge weakness for a great slice of pizza with a fountain coke.

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