February 22, 2013

Being Broken & Being Fine With It. ~ Azra Mustafa

It’s not all roses and rainbows.

You know how sometimes the universe hits you once, and while you’re still reeling from that, it hits you once more, just for good measure? You’re already down on your knees. Another hit and your chin ends up on the floor. Some days it’s expected, but there are times when you’re just not prepared. But then, when are we ever prepared for life’s big events?

Think of those days. Perhaps it’s when you’re in a prolonged extended side angle, knowing that the next step is to fly. The sweat is flowing freely from your body. You ready yourself, walking that back foot forward, prepared to fly into a standing bird of paradise, and then you find, what’s this? That foot, the one you so want up in the air, simply does not want to get off the ground.


You fidget, move, squirm, but it just isn’t feeling right; your body has detached itself from your mind and just won’t do what it should.

There are days when the world just doesn’t look great—when, although the sun is shining, your heart is hurting.

The baby can’t stop crying, the spouse is being a pain in the ass, and there’s nobody to talk to because everyone is just drowning in their own crap. And you’re pretty sure that if you spoke to someone, anyone, you’d just get pissed off anyway.

Now think of those days, and enlarge it to a grand scale where not just your body is not up to task, but your emotions feel like they’ve been put through a shredder.

Some times in life, you just want to tell the whole world to just fuck off, because you have absolutely nothing to give right now. Beep, beep! Call back at a later date.

You’re just a bit shattered at the moment.

You take one step forward, then the universe pushes you down the flight of steps, and your goal looks about as close to you as Mount Olympus does. You’re just so tired that there are just no more tears to cry.

Some days are just a bit shit.

Some days are a lot shit.

So what do you do? Grab the nearest bottle of strong alcohol? Go out on the town and pick up? Spend days in the stupor of being stoned?

Or maybe just bury it all in some hippy-trippy affirmation.

Or not.

The reality of it is just that sometimes, you’re just not happy.

In fact, there are times when you’re just absolutely devastated and you’re not sure if you can make the effort to even breathe.

Our modern world dictates that we should be okay all the time, to work, to hangout with friends, to get on with life. We live in a society where the dark side is often hidden under layers of fake happiness, but at the end of the day, you want to be real, even if it means being a bit raw. Even if it means staying in child’s pose for a bit longer so our hearts can recover.

Because you know what?

That’s the fucked up reality of life, and perhaps it makes sense to be okay with just not being okay. There are days that are going to be dark and dreary, and occasionally, it’s just about sitting there in the darkness without trying to force a light.

Sometimes, there’s nothing left to do but to be broken and be fine with it—and perhaps, somewhere in the broken pieces, life will reshape itself and move into the next incarnation.


Azra Mustafa: Daughter. Cousin. Niece. Sister. Muslim. Malay. Budding yogini. Ex-fiancee. Ex-girlfriend. Former traditional dancer. Urban hippie. Maybe future yoga teacher. Sometimes blogger. Serial hugger. Wonderer. Wanderer. Gypsie. Shoe freak. Beach bum. Dreamer. Music appreciator. Movie liker. Disciple of tea. Social networker. Kitchen experimenter. Constant friend. Often lover. Still looking for my Dharma.




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Ed: Kevin Macku/Kate Bartolotta

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