Have you ever experienced a breakup?
A loss of a loved one?
Just felt lost, confused or depressed?
Probably yes, if you are alive and breathing.
I know I have.
Experiencing loss is a tough, but common part of life. Life is a series of stages, and within each of them is a kind of birth and death.
Life’s stages are like the seasons—they evolve and change. Summer turns to spring…spring turns to fall…fall turns into winter. In each season there is a birth of a new season, and there is a death of the former season.
In essence, we learn that just like nature changes, so do we.
Though we forget, we too are part of nature. We grow and we change and the people in our lives do too. Our personalities change, we age and eventually we die.
Some changes that happen in our life are expected changes, like a birthday or planning a new move. Other changes are unexpected, like betrayal by a boyfriend (think cheating, lying etc.) or a sudden death. Both varieties of change, expected and unexpected, can hurt.
We humans like to feel in control, and nothing reminds us of that fact as well as loss.
Our soul and our psyche must go through a certain grieving process in order to achieve recovery. Experiencing a loss is tough stuff—we are emotional beings, and moving from one reality to the next takes time.
I work as a psychotherapist and life coach, and I have seen time and time again that no matter where you are from, how old you are, whether you are single or married… loss is something we all go through. So, know that we are in this together.
I want to share some tips that I have gathered through working with countless clients, as well as some wisdom from my own journey, through my wounded wing story. From barely flying to soaring once again.
1. Honor your pain and explore it.
What is your wounded wing story about? What or who is your pain about? What does that pain feel like in your body? Give yourself permission to feel and honor how you are feeling. It’s tempting to avoid feeling your feelings, but the only way to truly heal is to feel. So start feeling my love, you are safe.
2. Create a trusted soul support squad.
There is nothing more emotionally healthy than having a support group. Hire a therapist, talk to a spiritual advisor, join a free 12-step group, join a women’s/men’s circle. Find a group that you connect with to help you during this tough time. You don’t need to do it alone.
3. Transform your pain to purpose.
There is something truly miraculous about helping someone else when you yourself feel helpless. Lost a parent? Perhaps you can mentor a child that lost a parent as well. The simple act of helping anyone out will help you feel purposeful, instead of bogged down in your own depression. Try it out and help someone! Little acts are just as purposeful—even a smile counts.
4. Lastly, take this time to go inward and refine your desires and goals.
During periods of sadness, you can use this time as an opportunity to remember what really matters. Write down your goals and intentions. Reevaluate what is it that you truly want, and allow yourself to dream big. Set new goals that match the healthy and happy life that you deserve.
I know your heart might be tender and your soul might be aching, but you are wiser and stronger than you think. I am sending you love and support from afar.
Grieving is a process: take it day by day and moment by moment. Find little ways to treat yourself kindly during these times.
You got this!
“Ancient wisdom with a modern twist” is the motto. Known for breaking stigmas, Christine Gutierrez is taking therapy to the next level, fusing ancient wisdom with modern psychology. Christine is the founder of CosmicLife.com, founder of therapyiscool, Psychotherapist, Advice Columnist, Speaker, Author, and Poet. CosmicLife.com is an online hub that features psychologically savvy and soulful advice, as well as private consultations, retreats (both live+virtual), radio appearances, and television projects. Therapy is cool, founded in Puerto Rico, is a nonprofit where the mission is to empower, educate, and share resources with the marginalized youth and women communities in the Latino community. She is the author of the new hit e-book/e-course The Care of Wounded Wings: A Guide to Soar Through Life’s Tough Times, which can be purchased at www.thecareofwoundedwings.com. For more information on Christine’s work, visit www.cosmiclife.com and subscribe to the cosmos free weekly newsletter.
Asst. Ed. Caroline Scherer
Photographer: Fernando Samalot