April 1, 2013

Elephant to Publish Magazine Again. {April Fools’ edition}

In stunning reversal, elephantjournal.com declares it’ll once again print a magazine.

Elephant To Publish Magazine Again

—stunning reversal—

“Last six months Sucked,” says editor-in-chief Waylon Lewis.

New Media is old news.

Waylon Lewis, founding editor of elephant journal, has finally agreed to sell the rights to elephant journal—to Gaiam, of course—so we’ll be printing a magazine again. The new magazine will be printed on virgin paper, no longer New Leaf—it’s all about taking over the world, and saving money in order to do so. Walking the talk can be too expensive, and hard to grow quickly. Like other national “eco” magazines, we’ll be happy to maintain a 3/10 sell-thru rate—and rake in the green dollars, baby!

With the money from the sale of elephant, Waylon has put in an order for a Tesla, but has paid extra to get a gas engine installed in it—something no one else has.

In other stunning reversals…

…elephant journal dot com editor Waylon Lewis has hit a car with his bike, injuring the driver and failing to leave his name and insurance info.

…Perhaps he got a bump on his head, though, as he’s suddenly very quiet at meetings, humble, concerned about others, a walking St. Francis or Gandhi-like figure.

…He no longer has political ambitions,

…is no longer racist,

…Finally, in a string of other reversals of the past six months, Waylon’s eco-remodeled Victorian home, Hotelephant, is off the market,

…he’s reopened eco offices downtown

…and has a staff again—gone are the days, so recently, when he sat alone in his organic American Apparel briefs drinking coffee and eating without utensils.

Finally, in a heartening reversal, ele has won the advertising support of big green/LOHAS companies including Whole Foods, Seventh Generation, Method, Simple, Gaiam, American Apparel, Planet Green, Eileen Fisher, Sounds True and even the City of Boulder—all of whom had supported more mainstream publications, previously.

PS: Waylon Lewis has been named as a candidate for Naropa University’s next President. Overlooking his inexperience, ineptitude, and inexplicable self-regard, Naropa states in a recent Press Release that they wanted to bring “sex and sake, like in the 70s, man” back to their bucolic campus.

Bonus: Another sign Global Warming is here, now:

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