May 15, 2013

An Open Letter to Men.

Photo: Spirit-Fire

Transformation within the species is something to behold.

I for one have gone through many starts and stops within my own being, yet having the presence of the other side of the coin (A.K.A., my man) is truly spectacular. Women have fought for their rights, their power, their place in this world.

Men, on the other hand, have always possessed the dominance, but something was missing with all their chest-puffing responsibilities throughout the centuries. It’s called “vulnerability.” There is nothing sexier than a man who shows their dark and weak side. And by dark side, I mean all of him. No more hiding. There is nothing more powerful, in my book, than a man who can reveal every aspect of his being, and not be ashamed.

Men have had to bear the brunt of protection and power and status. We women are rising up through the ashes, like a phoenix, but we never need to allow the men to get squashed by our seemingly loud voices and opinions on every issue in the world. Women are softer, yes, but we can allow you men to be gentle too. It’s okay.

So men, here’s to you and your ways. I can take out the trash. I’m very capable. I can do stuff with my own car that resembles a low-grade auto mechanic. I can climb a mountain. I can change a light bulb. I can train a dog. I can negotiate a deal. I can get angry and needy and sad. I can take care of the painting of the house, inside and out. I can pretty much fix the sink and the toilet. And, I can show up on NFL Sunday, and know what’s going on, and enjoy every minute of it! I love football; I’m good with all those stereotypical man things.

Here’s the deal: women applaud you when you show us your dark side. It’s not scary. It’s appealing. You can be angry. You can be fearful. You can let down your guard and not have to puff your chest or suck in your stomach through every situation. You can lift less weight at the gym. You can cry during movies that touch your emotions. You can say, “I don’t know,” and it’s very appealing. Sometimes saying “I don’t know” goes a long way with a woman.

So many of you get stereotyped; then you feel as though you need to measure up to what is expected of you. But hey, you have been through the ringer on occasion, and we women are poised to listen to your venting. God knows we like to talk. I can talk until I’m blue in the face, and my man listens. He’s probably so exhausted hearing about my goals, needs, my emotions and whatever it is that’s bugging me, that his own various stuff gets pushed on the back burner. You men need a voice in the emotional intimacy department. And, not just what we want to hear. The real you.

Some powerful men are very fearful of doing the right thing, and more often than not, they upset the status quo without even a blink of an eye by making some silly decisions. All emotions are based on either fear or love. Women aren’t the only ones who know how to love. You men have an incredible capacity to open your hearts and share what’s going on. We will listen. We will support your decision to tell us how you feel. We want you to be the best you can be. Yes, protection and security are up there, but a man with a willing heart and soul trumps all else.

It all boils down to love or fear. Being aware of your feelings and letting go. We women are told to feel and express that all the time, in almost every situation. Men, do us a favor, cast aside your doubts, have faith in your abilities to embrace your anger and voice it in a conscious manner. Yeah, so you might fly off the hook occasionally, but we do too! We aren’t crazy, and you aren’t necessarily needing anger-management. We are from Venus. You are from Mars. It’s that simple.

A blending of the light and dark side would benefit you greatly. It would allow more equality of partnerships and less dominance from one sex to the other. Androgyny is an acceptable place for men and women. The more we understand this the more we will get who you are, and the more you will get who we are.

I am just a woman. You are just a man. One isn’t better than the other. We are all human. We need each other in whatever form—whether business or love. Thank you, men, for giving us the rare opportunity to see you raw. Keep doing it!


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Ed: Brianna Bemel

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