September 25, 2013

Yogically Incorrect.

“Anyone who doesn’t like Bob Marley must be evil,” I said to the lady working the front desk at the yoga studio.

There was a period of silence. I thought to myself, maybe that was a yogically incorrect thing to say?

And lo and behold, the woman working at the front desk said in a meek voice, “Um, I don’t like Bob Marley.”

It was a rather odd moment, and we looked at each other.

I, being part-owner of the studio, had basically labeled this nice young woman “evil,” which is not a word to throw around lightly, certainly not in a professional environment.

Calling someone “evil” in the workplace is like saying “boob!” out loud. You can’t say that. It’s like hissing at people, which just strikes me as being very out-of-place at work. Go “hsssssss” at your co-worker and let me know how it goes.

I tell you this because last night I went to a Jack Johnson concert at an old church way-up high on the island of Manhattan.

Jack Johnson is the Bob Marley of our time.

“Jack Johnson just makes me so mad,” said not anyone… ever.

The man just makes you smile. There is nothing evil about him or his happy happy songs.

I found myself reaching deep into my past for a retired dance move, the underhanded swiveling fist pump, which I proudly resurrected when he played “Bubble Toes.”

That’s how rich (and white) the vibe was at this show.

Happy white people drinking Chardonnay doing underhanded swiveling fist pumps singing, “La da da da da da, da da da da da da da…”

But I will say, the devil was attracted to this crowd, as a bug is attracted to light.

I watched half the concert through those little video screens on people’s smart phones.

You know how it goes at concerts these days.

People hold up their phone high in the air to film a video clip of the concert so they can post it on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Vine, Pinterest, Google+…

And that’s totally fine if you do it once or twice for a few seconds; but the guy in front of me held his phone high in the air, blocking my view entirely, and then proceeded to take a 4:27 second video.

I know because I painfully watched the time elapse.

He even did that little move where he turned the camera around to film what was going on behind him…

…as if people watching the video are going to think “I wonder what was going on behind him during this really long video that I’m still watching because I have locked-in syndrome, otherwise I would have stopped watching at freakin :02.”

As he turned his camera around to film behind him, I flipped the double-bird right in his camera—just a little surprise to thank him for being so generous and filming the whole freakin song.

That’s why I say The Devil was there.

Can you tell how mad this made me?

I was so happy to be at the concert, but so mad at these bright little screens held high in the air.

I do it, you do it, we are all viewing much of our lives through our screens.

Think about all the times throughout the day that you could be paying attention to your spouse instead of your friend’s Instagram picture of her broccoli casserole.

…or being present with your kid instead of looking at Facebook pictures of someone else being present with their kid.

…or capturing some of the brilliant fall sunshine (#nofilter) as it splashes on your skin instead of your phone.

We are getting really, really close to that fork on our evolutionary path where we are going to have to make a choice.

The next big thing in technology are the Google Glasses that project the internet directly onto your eyeball (no screen necessary).

Two years from now, a Jack Johnson concert will be thousands of white people drinking Chardonnay, and pumping their fists, wearing Google Glasses and filming the entire concert.

And Jack Johnson will look into the crowd and sing his song Pictures of People Taking Pictures:

Pictures of people taking

Pictures of people taking

Pictures of people taking pictures

I pictured us at the end of time

Holding up a camera to our eyes

I took a picture of you took a picture of me

In the back ground of the picture

Was water running to the sea

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Ed: Sara Crolick

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