Resolve to Evolve
My mind goes to a place that is everywhere and nowhere…where candles dance, the Muses sing, and the clouds smile in my eyes. My mind meanders on the waves of silence as if calm could go on forever and peace were a path my past had traveled. In my mind, I can fly high as the moon to sparkle like a star.
And that is progress. It is progress that given three minutes to write I jump to the light and not the dark.
In the rooms, as we 12-steppers call them, the motto is, “progress not perfection.” Although I don’t frequent those rooms much anymore. Oh when I first moved to my new town I went to a meeting and felt the warm feeling in the welcome of being among my own.
But I did not go back.
I have made progress. It’s been slow. I think I made every wrong turn possible but am starting to find the straight lines and the space between them is not full of shadow and despair but love and hope.
And those rooms are where they are and I would not be where I am without them. Their mottos still speak to me. Because it is all about the progress and staying with progress I stay with the process.
The process in my rather make-shift life is keep going no matter, do my best whatever that is, forgive me, life and everyone in it…and love.
I am remembering over 16 years ago when a hypnotherapist put me in a trance and fed me light like a mother gives her newborn milk. I am inspired that now I write and am read by more than a few. I honor how my yoga feeds me and feeds my students. I realize my edge has fewer edges. My ego stands stronger yet lighter. Balance remains in my breath.
And I don’t need those rooms the way I used to need them.
I have resolved to evolve.
“Persistence and passion will make you invincible.” ~ Christian Baloga
I made a vision book tonight. I drove to K-mart with a 40 minute window to buy a book and sharpies. I decided on a three ring binder, tabs and college ruled line paper. My tabs say: Wealth, Health, Habits, Fun, Work.
I have goals. I am going to plot 2014.
Wealth for me is not just my bank account. Wealth is choice. Wealth is taking responsibility for where I am and where I want to go. Wealth knows I have all I need. Wealth is deciding to change my paycheck to paycheck credit card debt life to a debt free life without credit cards.
Will it be easy? No. But I have resolved to evolve. I want change.
And my abundance will be measured by my willingness.
Health is next. I confess after 39 years I quit smoking. I don’t live with a smoker anymore. I felt like a fraud and felt a bad-ness around smoking: I was ashamed and guilt-ridden before stopping this nasty habit.
I am a yoga teacher and tell people to breathe and today I am no longer afraid to breathe.
I took a break from asana this summer. I want to recommit to practice.
I drink less coffee.
I joined weight watchers.
Habits are the day to day. I need to think about this but it begins with flossing daily and ends with maintaining a neat an orderly apartment. In between is writing, yoga, aerobics, reading and realizing I don’t do fixed schedules well but I keep my commitments.
My commitment is to create healthy habits.
In my resolve to evolve I want to have fun. I love movies. I love writing. This year is the year to connect with old friends and make new ones and to have fun sharing with all of them.
Work will evolve as I grow my yoga practice, strive to do more workshops, fashion writing projects and edit and learn a new skill in sales. Actually I love to work. And work will help me with my wealth. Work with support my health. My work habits will grow and change. Work is fun because I love all my jobs. And work is work meaning sometimes I do things when I don’t want to do them.
So it is progress and therein lies the perfection for this year I am resolved to evolve.
“There is no scarcity of opportunity to make a living at what you love; there’s only scarcity of resolve to make it happen.” ~ Wayne Dyer
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Editor: Rachel Nussbaum