December 5, 2013

The Chilling Nature of Stagnation.

Digging deep into my heart and wishing for a miracle or magic from the stars, I realized that my partnership had hit some sort of stagnation in communication and forward momentum.

Between the energy of the recent Thanksgiving holidays, a cold weather blast that has rushed in out of the blue, and the frenzy with travel planning, work commitments and what-not, I stood in the middle of all the hubbub wondering what exactly is the theme here?

The dreams we verbalized to each other years ago were sort of lost in a conundrum of too much sameness, too many limitations, and a feeling that persistence wasn’t paying off. It wasn’t the weather that offered a chill, it was our partnership that took an interesting turn and we had to adjust to what exactly the new energy was requiring.

The kind of chills that I had weren’t from feeling cozy and awestruck; they were the type of chills related to feeling stuck in a solid brick of ice with no movement or safety whatsoever.

What happened to our spiritual partnership in life and love? Where did the mission and purpose go?

I’ll tell you where. It went to another level.

The metamorphosis took over, the arguments escalated, the deep love was explored further, boundaries were tested, the conversations were stronger than ever, and we managed to rise above and get out of our comfort zones of stagnant energy and delve more into who we were born to be.

Scary stuff, but we were ready.

Like two butterflies trapped in cocoons, we wormed our way out of tight situations, hanging by a thread on what felt like “holy crap, I am about to jump into a whole new realm and expose even more of my inner core to the man I love.”

One would think that after three plus years together, we would have known all there is to know about each other. I was wrong.

There is always more.

And through quiet meditation and contemplation, I allowed the Universe to take over. I let go like I had never before. I didn’t complain or moan and groan about what went wrong, I simply screamed and yelled with passion about what was happening.

I took myself by surprise, actually. I don’t have a temper, but when you love someone so deeply, tears flow during loud conversations and hand gestures get elevated to a whole new level. I could have been straight out of Funniest Home Videos!

I don’t give up.

When I’m passionate about someone or something, and I believe that there is good and there are possibilities and opportunities, I keep going. It doesn’t always measure up to any standard policies or roles. I just speak and act from my heart.

He and I broke out of a stagnation that lasted a few weeks.

It was chilling. It was interesting.

It was the way that nature intended, although if you had asked me earlier today just what was going on, I would have said that I’m smack dab involved in a major life transformation here. Not just my own soulful transformation that had happened years ago, but a real life partnership transformation.

We are in this together. This man, who captured my heart and essence years ago, continues to be on the receiving end of some well-intended words that tumble out of my mouth, and the intensely emotional feelings that accompany those words.

I won’t allow any stagnation to rule our lives.

I keep moving forward. He is with me. We are together.

After many days and hours of recent New Moon beginnings within our partnership, we found the safety once again to share our dreams, honor each other’s goals, respect our paths, recognize that our blossoming had actually occurred, and continually make each other a better person.

We have decided as a couple and partnership that our ability to see the bigger picture is always present and alive. It sounds rather corny but the best part of the day for us is dusk. We can look at each other and say “hey, let’s take a walk around the lake and look at the ducks.”

And sure enough, just as the ducks are currently in migration for the onset of winter, their numbers have increased as they glide along the water, washing themselves with their fat feathers and parading around the lake to see who will take over top billing, we hold hands. Not speaking that much, but knowing that all is well.

Nature has such an effect on both of us.

We can be in the middle of a tense moment and he will say “check out the squirrel sitting on top of that roof.” I kid you not. Those words were always my style of words, as my brain tends to constantly admire nature and her beauty. To hear him stop and notice the meanderings of a squirrel is simple proof that our merged lives brought us out of stagnation.

We were at a standstill for way too long. Months of silly obstacles were constantly getting in the way and we needed to observe ourselves once more and what the next step looked like. So we jumped in, deeper, further.


The lessons learned in this last month of the year have proved more worthy than I ever thought possible. With the cosmos currently backing up our lively and energetic forward momentum, we can admire and respect the fact that I’m an early morning person, he comes alive late in the evening hours, we sit on the deck during afternoon work breaks allowing the sun to warm our faces and sip some tea, and we take nothing for granted.

There are no conditions, no expectations, and no me-first attitudes.

We are over the moon with the continued love that permeates in all corners of our hearts. It is easy to forget where we were, even just a year ago, yet where we are in this moment makes the past feel like a blur.


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Editor: Catherine Monkman

{Photo: Pixoto.}

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