March 9, 2014

Dear Husband, If You Do These Things, I’ll Make Your Dreams Come True.

to-do list

I’ve noticed a few small things we do that piss each other off, so, in the spirit of happy partnering, I’ve created a small list of items that I’d like you to take a peek at.

1. Please stop leaving me with two squares of toilet paper.

Because girls poop too.

2.  When you notice that we’re almost out of crackers, cereal, fill-in-the-blank item, would you let me know rather than putting said close-to-empty container back.

Thank you.

3. About your socks: how do they all wind up in little balls in the laundry basket?

4. Hanging up a towel in the bathroom that smells like a wet dog—and looks like one too.

5. Acting like your hours-total bathroom times do not count for alone time.

Okay, before we get too far here, I’d like you to also check out this list, which I’m willing to consider in exchange:

1. I’ll try to not have a blatant “I have ADHD” junk table top right in the middle of our kitchen where we spend nearly all of our time.

2. I’ll keep my cute underwear on for longer than twenty minutes after dinner is over.

Make that ten.

3. I’ll roll up my yoga mat when I practice in various spaces around our house rather than just flopping them over a few times and slapping my hands with a celebratory “well, that’s taken care of.”

4. I’ll put the DVDs back in their cases.

5. I’ll try to even place them back inside of their correct cases.

But, still, husband, I think that neither of us will likely live up to this list for much longer than a day or a week or, perhaps, two months—because these are our quirks and those little idiosyncrasies make up the amazingly awesome individuals who we are.

So, with this in mind, here’s a new list, just for the both of us:

 1. Let’s stop complaining about the things that annoy us in one another—you know, the same ones that we’ve done since before we even met.

Our life will be so much simpler.

2. I’d like us to pause and, in quietness, consider that most of the things that bug us are not by any means “deal breakers” or things that are actually worth being mad about.

3. I still think you should count your bathroom time as alone time, though.

I mean, fair is fair.

4. When I married you I promised to love you for all of the moments in life that are great and horrible too, and, though it is terribly annoying, making it work with two bathroom squares does not probably constitute “the worst of times.”

5. You do most of the laundry anyway, so if you don’t care that your socks get washed in teensy lumps, why should I?

And, lastly, this addendum is largely for that group of women who can’t handle an article being written by a woman and for a woman without complaining that we’re all being lumped together:

6. Yes, for many reading, the situations listed here are not necessarily governed by something as limited as gender or sex.

However, when we discuss these minute aspects of being human, we’re able to connect on a fundamentally profound level that allows us to open up and expose other more important parts of who we are—in short, it’s the start of communication, which makes the world go ’round.

Also, sometimes it’s good to just tilt your head back, show your teeth and laugh a little—or a lot.


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Editor: Catherine Monkman

Photo:  john.schultz/Flickr

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