April 9, 2014

Giving Myself Orgasms (7 Reflections on Being Alone). ~ Jessica Sandhu

Brigitte Bardot, sexy, vintage, wild, crazy, beautiful

“It’s not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.” ~  Marilyn Monroe

More often these days I’ve been getting the big “O” and doing it all…by…my…lonesome.

I didn’t think I’d be going this long without a partner to help out with this, but it has been that long and this cat needs a release (plus, I’ve gotten really good at it, so it’s easy!)

Mind you, I don’t do it every day and I don’t think about sex all of the time. But it is part of being a sexual creature and all of the delicious animal instincts that kick in when those feelings arise. And I never thought I would be writing about this à la Carrie Bradshaw and getting deeper into a sexual topic might be too much for my family and friends—although I may one day feel compelled to write about it and simply not care what others think…

Anyway, I am not Anaïs Nin and this is not a how-to-get-yourself-off post (’cause we can take that offline and maybe learn something from one another).

No, instead this is entree to a greater celebration for me and all of the single folks out there who are able to take care of all of their needs, all on their own.

Instead, I will take this opportunity to make a few short personal reflections on the awesome-ness of singledom and the fact that being alone doesn’t necessarily mean you are a lonely person.

Many married or blissfully happy couples out there might want to roll their eyes at me, not wanting to read another post about how one is finding themselves after being part of a unit for so long. Go ahead and close your laptops now…but

—I remember being a part of a couple rolling my eyes at those single folks writing those blog posts, but instead of feeling annoyed, deep down I actually wanted to be single again. I get it, the grass is always greener on the other side.

So, at this very moment, in my existence here in 2014, I feel quite content with my singlehood.

Is there something to be learned from another person sharing their lessons as they discover they don’t need a penis to get them through the day?

Yes, there are still things that can be addressed and new insight to be made (or at least rehashed!)

But before we go there, I will admit I do have moments where I feel a little sorry for myself being without said penis, like when I need to put my cute but too-heavy Vespa on the kickstand, I need to wait and ask a gentleman for help. Or when Friday rolls around and I have no plans except to prepare another damn sequence and playlist for the weekend yoga classes I teach.

In those moments, it would be nice to have a fella around. But they are merely fleeting moments. And for the most part, I go about my days blissfully aware that I get to do exactly what I like to, when I want to.

Like when I leave the apartment so tidy and clean you could eat off the floor (yum) or when I leave it so messy and dirty and feel okay about it ’cause no one is there to judge. Always knowing exactly where things were left when I need to find it or completely annoyed at just me for leaving it in a dumb spot.

No anxiety over anything except keeping my personal stuff in order.

So without further adieu, here are the seven reflections on being alone:

1. A great opportunity to become the most gentle person with yourself: learn to speak to yourself with the sweetest tone, only full of love. Instead of the negativity of our racing minds, learn to soothe with sweet loving and kind words. 

2. Get to know the real you: being single for this long has allowed me to get closer to one person that I have to deal with every day and that person is me. No distractions of another person around to take me away from the pleasures of myself. Plus, I get to have control of the streaming video content: PBS, PBS, PBS!

3. Eat when I want and whatever want!  juices, nuts and salads any time of day! Including my naughty munchies snack bag from 7 Eleven! Oh, yeah!

4. Career focus: the amount of energy it takes to grow a career or business is huge, so the opportunity and time to do it is perfect when one is single and has the time to spend on the time-consuming work. no threat of abandonment when hours are spent writing a blog post. 

5. Friends! Spend time with old and new friends. This is the time to cultivate deep friendships.

6. Flirt! This has been fun as I get to flirt with men and women of all ages and sizes! It’s amazing! 

7. Take care of the most basic needs: masturbate! Touching oneself can be therapeutic and delightful.

Listen, I’ll admit, it would be very nice to be a part of a couple again. And I know it will eventually happen, but I really want to admit how much I love being single right now. This is especially true as I experiment with so many new things in my life without fear of judgement.

In this process, I get to discover many new things about myself, like my deep strength and perseverance. And at this very moment I get to enjoy quiet moments with the sweetest person I know.


So, I encourage you, even if you are in a couple, take a moment to reach out and touch yourself and explore the endless joy you can give yourself.


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Editor: Catherine Monkman

Photos: elephant journal achives

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