May 17, 2014

How Can We Be Lovers but Not Make Love? ~ Maceo Paisley


“Can We Be Lovers But Not Have Sex?” has circulated my feed a few times and I’ve read, and discussed it a few more times.

The article expresses a deep longing for human connection that is dynamic, and multi-faceted. I agree with the idea that we can share each others emotions, feelings, thoughts, and deep conversations together as friends, and in meaningful deep ways.

It is a beautiful invitation to a rich emotional and spiritual connection.

I agree whole heartedly with the idea that we can share these moments with strangers in passing as well as with those we have known for years. My only concern is the initial limitation that is placed on the relationship to block that physical connectedness as well.

So I have prepared this response.

How Can We Be Lovers But Not Make Love?

I, too, want a life of a million lovers.

I want to love you.

When see you I want to press my lips upon yours, I want you to know how special you are to me

My spirit is limitless, and in its vastness I hold a love for you and many others. Every one deserves to be loved, and it is my great purpose to share it with all that will accept me.

I want to express my love through my words and feelings and thoughts. I want all to know it.

My spirit is infinite, as is my love, but my body is but a finite, fragile thing.

As such I have but so much time to act upon that love.

I have but so much strength in my muscles to hold a person, but so much time to spend with a person.

And the person I choose is you.

I want to love you wholly, in mind, spirit, and in body—as a full expression of my love. It’s a deeper expression than can be shared with most others, because our connection is unlike most others.

There have been those that expressed purely physical love, and others that I have only expressed emotional love.

Each person is different, and so our relationships are different, occurring on individual or multiple plains at once.

I do not have a sexual agenda, but I do not want to set barriers on how we express. If there are times when words nor embrace are not sufficient I will want to share my entire body with you. To bare not only my spirit but my body as well.

How can we be “Lovers” if we do not make love?

When I open myself to a person fully, it is on all levels. I want our love to exist in our minds, and in our hearts, and in the earth. I want it rooted on our bones, in our lips, and on our skin. To express love wholly is not only to feel it, and to speak it but also to act upon it.

I acknowledge, not only that we are all beings of love, but that our means of sharing that love are different. We value those means of sharing differently and it is these differences that help us guide our interactions. In my infinite soul I hold love for all, but I have reserved my body for you.

If this is not something you want, I should hope that we discuss it.

We may be meant to share love on an emotional, and cognitive level but not the physical one and that is okay. I will not think any less of our love if we do, but I will recognize it as different from the one with whom I do.

We can be friends, and not have sex, and I can “love” my friends deeply. But I understand that each type of relationship is unique to the people in it, and to call one person a lover among a million, does not adequately describe the type of relationships we hold. I call us “lovers”  to evoke the full breath and meaning of the word love, which is without limitation physical or other wise.

It is to get deep, and heavy, and covered in “stuff”.

Our language fails us in this way as we can not properly describe these feelings in words alone—though we try. Inevitably, our relationship will deepen through shared experience, understanding, and yes, touch. We cannot compare love between passersby, family, and romantic partners. Each form of love is expressed in a way that matches those people uniquely.

The limits, of our body, our time and our circumstances will frame the ways in which we can express love in all our relationships.

But with you, my lover, I want a physical expression to speak where words fail. I want you to feel my support and compassion in your heart and on your skin.

So if you are ready, let me see you, let me love you, and let us make love to each other.

I hope that is not too much.



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Apprentice Editor: Kimby Maxson/Editor: Renée Picard

Photo: Wikipedia

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