May 29, 2014

What it’s like to be an “Innie.” ~ Christine Dominguez


Sometimes I just want to curl up under my shell and hide.

My slightly inhibited ways could be because I’m a Cancer who, like the crab, likes to protect soft insides with a tough exterior. But it’s mainly because I’m an introvert, an INFJ to be exact, or “innie” for short—it’s cuter.

I have a natural tendency to prefer my own internal world of thoughts and feelings than being around a group of people.

I’ll never be the loudest in the room, or the one grabbing for attention, or the last one standing at a party when most people have gone. In a culture where being social and outgoing is prized, “innies” like me, can just feel a little deficient.

That’s not to say I’m anti-social or that I don’t like group activities. I truly admire my extroverted (or “outtie”) friends and colleagues who don’t have to think twice about going to a party or a spontaneous invite. For us introverted folk, we find a lot of social stimulation kind of exhausting.

It’s just how we’re wired.

We crave meaningful interaction over small talk, and feel the need to regularly recharge our batteries after our energy has been expended outwards.

Extroverts thrive on being in the constant company of others instead of the other way round.

I realise that being more of the quiet and reserved type can mean “innies” are often misunderstood. For instance, we may come across as shy, but many of us are not.

I came across a BuzzFeed piece that is humorously spot-on in explaining 27 dilemmas only innies can understand, my top three being:

1. When you hear, “Are you okay?” or “Why are you so quiet” for the umpteenth time, which is quite frustrating because we’d rather listen or speak up when there is something important or worth saying than just blurt out what’s on our minds.

2. The need to not talk to anyone for a while. You need to be completely alone so you can recharge, even if it means a whole weekend to yourself.

3. When people make you feel weird for wanting to do things, you guessed it, by yourself.

I’m relieved to know there are a many people who feel the same way. According to Susan Cain, the author of Quiet who has done an amazing TED talk on introversion, one in three people are introverted.

Fellow “innie” (more ambivert) blogger and journalist Sarah Wilson has touched on the subject a few times; her work has resonated so strongly she could be writing about me:

“I’d go as far as saying that I can sometimes find extroverts—not show-offs and bombastic arm-wavers necessarily, but those who draw their energy from other humans—to be energy vampires. These people are positive, kind, abundant and generous (far more so than me). This, as I discussed with fellow introverts this past week or so, is what makes the whole issue so difficult and upsetting. I’ve really struggled to figure out why I become so exhausted in these lovely people’s company, why I become impatient and, in fact, avoid them. I feel like a bitch. It confounds me. It kills me.”

Can you relate?

In reality, innies are happy, social people with a small circle of friends whom they trust. Sure, we like to plan, think things through before speaking, and are most likely to prefer a night in with a good book than hitting the town, but that doesn’t mean we want to stay locked away.

Perhaps the most important thing to know about us, is that while we may be quiet, and may never get bored with solitude, our minds are as loud and as colourful as the world we live in.


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Apprentice Editor: Guenevere Neufeld / Editor: Rachel Nussbaum

Photo: Flickr / Quinn Dombrowski

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