June 9, 2014

Losing the Battle, Winning at Flow. ~ Patsie Smith


Photo: Paul Kitchener via Flickr

“Those who flow as life know they need no other force.” ~ Lao Tzu

As humans, it seems like it is in our primal nature to battle.

Our fight or flight reponse is at the forefront of our survival instinct. When undesirable events occur, we battle to improve or turn them around. When we’re diagnosed with a disorder or imbalance, we set off on a battle with this “condition.” Even among some conscious souls, spiritual strength is portrayed as a battle against the bad, evil and dark side.

Declaring war may appear to be a position of power. The terms “warrior,” “battle” and “conquer” are favorite connotations of strength. I used to be caught in that illusion.

After 20 years of waging a full-on war with Life, I finally lost due to complete exhaustion. The battle was outside me, with every situation and person in my life but most significantly, inside my head and body itself. The constant chatter, emotions, then more chatter and emotions, continuously led to dysfunctional paralysis both inside and out.

When I overdosed 28 years ago, it was the absolute surrender.

I just wanted to really sleep, rest, and never wake up.

They labelled me as depressed with suicidal and mental illness which instantly allowed me to take my place as a victim in the battle, not the warrior.

I survived the experience, clearly, or I wouldn’t be here writing this today. I am grateful that as I lay on that hospital bed, drifting in and out of consciousness, it became the turning point of my life.

Immobilized in total surrender, all my layers of illusions dissolved, and it was simply revealed with crystal clarity—there is no battle!

The next 20 years found me naturally self-healing, learning and growing as my inner self continued to awaken into my true self. Along with that emerged greater clarity, wisdom and, finally, ultimate peace.

Now I flow as life and with life. Life is not and never was, a battle. A battle is defined as consisting of two opposing forces intent on battling each other. Life is not a human being with an ego self; it has no intent on battling with us.

Life is simply what it is.

However, this physical existence does consist of polarities and we as humans contain a dual nature. This is to be understood and honored, not feared. Life is a constant flow of cycles, changes, ups, downs and a whole mosaic that makes up the fabric of human experience. It’s never static but our choice to identify and attach to a point in the flow is what causes life to remain stagnant.

What I may perceive as undesirable events and people are actually a reflection of my own internal state and perceptions—a reflection that I need to address.

Even random events are lessons for growth, change and evolution for my soul. When I  work with challenges as possible tools for growth , they always lead me into further peace, joy and wisdom. And when my internal state changes, it filters through and changes my life.

I am totally at peace, have boundless energy and joy for they are not expended in a fictitious battle. With more peace comes even more clarity and wisdom. With more energy and space come more creativity and the capacity to enjoy and savor life.

I now embrace all of life’s beauty, magic and wonder which I had previously missed because I was caught up in the illusory battle.

There is no dark, evil and bad side for there is only light. And darkness is simply the absence of light. I would much rather bring in more light and stay in the light than battle with the darkness. I would much rather work with Life, learn and be guided by it, than to battle it or be victimized by it.

The gift of realizing the true reality and the courage and freedom to make wise choices is held with deep gratitude in my heart. It is why I am here now as a fully thriving being, at one with all of Life, leaving me compelled to help others  lift themselves out of their illusion of struggle and pain.

The true warrior does not conquer life but, rather, is at one with Life.

The true reality is:

We are actually Life.


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 Apprentice Editor: Kim Haas / Editor: Renée Picard

Photo:  Paul Kitchener via Flickr

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Patsie Smith