September 4, 2014

Tampons No More: It’s All About the Cups. ~ Jilian Ryan {Adult}

Author's Own (Jilian Ryan)

Editor’s Note: This website is not designed to, and should not be construed to, provide medical advice, professional diagnosis, opinion or treatment to you or any other individual, and is not intended as a substitute for medical or professional care and treatment. For serious.

Warning: This post contains references to feminine products and female anatomy. If this bothers you, please thoughtfully reconsider the reason(s) for your pussy phobia. If not, please continue to read.

Yesterday I got home from the store and walked in with a box of Soft Cups (a brand of menstrual cups).

I was greeted by my friend with a very enthusiastic, “You dirty bird!” Her laughter was in good nature, but her words took me off guard.

At first I was all, “I don’t get it.”

Maybe my brain wasn’t processing well because I’d been losing tons of blood all day, but I wasn’t sure why she associated menstrual cups with being sexy.

Then I remembered how I first learned about Soft Cups.

It was advertised in an issue of Cosmopolitan about four years ago. The ad was something to the effect of:

“Soft Cups—for when you wanna do it on your period.”

Even though I recalled my own introduction to “The Cups,” (as I will now refer to them), I had bought them for entirely different reasons.

Now, this is about to sound like an ad for “The Cups,” so if you know anyone who works for their marketing team, please holla atcha girl.

Just kidding. Fuck corporate marketing teams.

Reason 1: The Cups won’t give you toxic shock syndrome.

Tampons can give you toxic shock syndrome. You can go into shock from toxins. Then die.

I don’t know if you’ve read the little package insert that warns you of the risk. I did the first time I used a tampon and then I got way too comfortable taking the toxin gamble each month.

I would go about my business. Get a tampon out of the box. Read about how that thing I put in my vagina could cause me to die. And, still do it anyways.

No more of that.

Reason 2: They are reusable.

Kinda gross, I won’t deny that.

It takes time to get in touch with your vag like that, but I recommend it. You’ll feel disgusted and liberated all at the same time. Kinda like the first time you had sex.

Yes, re-using a menstrual cup is like losing your virginity.

Reason 3: They save money.

If you reuse it, you don’t have to buy more. That’s your economics lesson for the day!

Reason 4: They prevent plumbing issues.

I never know when it’s safe to flush my tampon, so I always err on the side of complete laziness and flush it anyway.

No one wants to ask, “Hey, is it cool if I flush my tampon?”

No. And, I ain’t wrapping it in toilet paper and sticking it in the trash for someone to smell later.

And, I’m not playing that shame game where you stick it in your purse and then you have this used tampon in there until you stealthily dispose of it.

Ahhhh… no.

Reason 5: They are good for the environment.

Using less of “The Cups” and not using tampons means buying less, which means less waste is made to produce them, plus there is less waste made by throwing them away.

Man, see how that works? It’s like a cycle.

Reason 6: You can “do it” on your period.

You can do it on your period anyway, but since that’s still taboo for most of the population, menstrual cups are what I like to call a good “societal norm band-aid” product.

These are the emerging stars in product inventions and I suggest you invest in one or 73.

If you’ve never used “The Cups,” they are available in limited supply at your drug store.

I assume you can get a box off Amazon as well. And if you sterilize and reuse them, you’ll never have to buy another box again.

Think about what a wonderful world it would be if you never saw another annoying tampon commercial.


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Apprentice Editor: Brandie Smith/Editor: Catherine Monkman

Photo: Author’s Own.

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