October 25, 2014

A Love Letter to my Inner Child.

Little Ballet Girl

Dear Little Girl,

You are my heart and soul.

Since the moment you came into this world you have been ready to make a difference and shine. This world is an amazing and challenging place and it has challenged you in immeasurable ways. But now it is time to stop beating yourself up and instead—you must celebrate the woman you are today.

It is time to let go of those negative voices and remember how far you’ve come. You need to speak kind words to yourself and not forget about those leaps and bounds you’ve taken to get here. But just in case you need to be reminded and have any unfinished business with your past, here are some questions you can ask to revisit those trying times to make you love and appreciate the woman you have become.

What happened to that girl who stayed stuck in her marriage, out of need and a crippling fear of loneliness?

That girl walked away and finally learned how to love herself without a man.

And how about that girl who got scared and ran away to Arizona and couldn’t even face her own husband?

That girl left in search for answers to try and fix her marriage but instead she found herself. With nothing but a map and a backpack full of clothes, she traveled through a strange city to regain clarity and peace of mind. It was in Arizona where she was inspired by nature, the help of strangers and the precious gift of solitude.

And with the little abundant gifts of life, she was given a bracelet by a stranger in an antique store that had, “peace, love and joy” carved into it. As it was placed in her hand, the woman said, “I hope you find what you’re looking for.” For the first time in her life, that little girl finally learned to have gratitude and learned how to embrace the unknown.

One month after returning from her trip, she mustered the courage to file for divorce and walk away from an eight-year relationship that she knew in her heart no longer served her.

Do you remember that girl whose belongings got washed away in a hurricane, with no job, $20 in her bank account and no place to live?

That girl had more courage than she ever thought possible and learned the true meaning of what it is like to receive selflessly from others. Her dearest friend and cousin opened up their homes to take her in and shelter her for two months while her home was being repaired. That girl climbed ladders in a tight coat check room of a restaurant on busy weekend nights to make ends meet, and turned the $20 into thousands so she could save up to put herself through a second degree in school and give back to others by becoming a nurse.

Do you remember what happened to that little girl who obsessively chased men and finally found a great guy, only to watch it fall to pieces months later?

That girl was grateful to have met a man she loved, the one who helped to rebuild her home in a storm. That girl needed that relationship to fall apart so she could blossom into a woman. She needed to learn the lessons that neediness, obsession and demands do not equate to love. Love is acceptance. It is looking into the eyes of anothers’ soul without wanting to change a damn thing about them. That girl also learned that she was capable of being loved, so deeply and passionately by another man, who for the first time since her divorce, reminded her what it was like to be treated like a real woman.

What happened to that girl who thought she met her match online and then when that didn’t work, quickly ran into the arms of another new man who was waiting on the sidelines? A man where she finally thought, “this could be the one”, only to have her heart ripped out months later through a breakup text at 2:30 in the morning?

That girl learned that being vulnerable is being brave. And that maybe, just maybe, she tried to love someone who didn’t love themselves enough to accept her love. But she still let herself be taught by an older and wiser soul. That man who served as the catalyst, who inspired her to get on a plane to Israel, so she could have the most amazing, liberating, and life changing experience yet. And in Israel, that girl learned how to let heartbreak transform her, and then wrote about her spiritual journey in a published piece called Finding Love in The Holy Land. That little girl no longer looks back and wonders what her and that man could have been. She is now a woman who knows her worth and believes in her heart, that one day, when the time is right, that the right man will find her.

And that little girl who used to be filled with resentment and pain, who always blamed others, how did she learn to cope?

She began to practice the power of forgiveness. She has accepted that whatever harm has been done to her by others, probably had nothing to do with her in the first place. She set herself free by being in control of her own path, even when others chose to leave. And in the moments where she was wrong, and at fault, she chose to make amends and to take responsibility for any harm she had caused. And for those few circumstances where she couldn’t make things right, instead, she chose forgiveness. In choosing that, she was released from the prison of her own suffering, her own grief, and her own darkness. She chose love over pain, and forgiveness over indignation.

So that girl who has gone through hell, the one who has taken punch after punch in the ring, is now all of a sudden changed?

Not only has she changed, but she has been transformed. That girl learned that life can beat her down, but it doesn’t mean she has to stay there. She learned that in order to live a joyful, abundant and peaceful life, you have to fight like hell for it. Pain has been her teacher, and she has had the courage to see her journey through as the student. She has surrounded herself with amazing friends, family, mentors, and with God’s grace. And they have all loved her while she was learning to love herself.

So today, if that adult were to cross paths with that little girl again, what would she want her to know?

She would say, “look back, you did it. I know you don’t even know how, but all that matters is that you did. Even when you thought you couldn’t climb that mountain, somehow you fought your way through to reach it’s peak. It isn’t about giving up, instead, it’s about giving in. You have learned how to peel back the layers and stories that held back your true nature to come forward. It is all of those voices that cease in the presence of direct communication with your heart. And it isn’t about what you learned during the pain, but rather what you learn after it that really counts. And maybe that happy ending is about writing your own, while looking back on your journey, knowing you have made it through.

You have become an extraordinary and amazing woman. I never ever, want you to forget it or stop believing it.

Celebrate the woman you have become, and celebrate the strength and courage it took to get there. Your new life is waiting for you, so go out and savor it. Enjoy it. Live each day with a sense of gratitude, and life will honor your heart.

I will not abandon you. I will be by your side every step of the way. I will hold your hand, cheer you on, pick you up, and watch you celebrate your journey—that which has made you all that you are today.

Don’t ever stop fighting. Don’t ever take your courage for granted. You are worthy. You are lovable. And you are so incredibly brave.  I am so proud of you little girl.”


Your resilient and beautiful adult self.


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Apprentice Editor: Jessica Sandhu / Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock

Photo:  Creative Commons

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