Warning: f-bombs below!
Rainy Monday morning, I already hate the day.
Shouldn’t I set a positive intention to make it all better?
This constant, all-consuming pressure in our culture to “be happy” and “feel great” and “have a good day” is completely, utterly, and mind-numbingly exhausting.
My insides explode from trying so hard.
Is having a good day really what life is about?
But, my life used to be completely centered around it.
And, I’ll say this:
Happiness is a cruel and elusive mistress, she’s never around for long.
Suddenly, she’ll skip town, leaving us high and dry, waiting pathetically by the phone.
Will she call me today?
Or this afternoon?
Or maybe later?
Oh, I bet she’s just busy and will ring real soon.
This is such crap.
I used to live like this, feeling like a letdown if my day wasn’t perfect.
If I didn’t feel happy, that meant I failed.
We can torture ourselves trying to court Miss Ever-Seductive, Always-Aloof Happiness.
She isn’t interested in marriage, that’s for sure.
So, let’s put our rings and romantic proposals away.
If we just change a little bit, suppress our feelings a little more, and try a little harder then she’ll come around again…
She is meant to be fickle.
Living and breathing for “feeling great” and “having a fabulous day” is exceedingly empty.
I used to walk around like a junkie, waiting, longing, and lusting for my next happiness fix.
I’d take any temporary high.
Synthetic bliss in the form of dangerous relationships was my personal favorite.
Behind my fake smiles and dead eyes, I secretly knew that my life was worth more than this constant and disappointing pursuit.
I began to live and breathe for more than happiness.
I began to long for fulfillment and meaning.
To say that this realization transformed my life is a vast understatement.
To say that this opened up an entire new world to me is absolutely fucking true.
Because you know what?
There will be days where we curl up in a ball and cry with the lights off, drink too much wine, and sing horribly and completely off-key to sad love songs.
There will be days where we see something about ourselves that disgusts us, and we will try to look away, and this will hurt so bad.
There will be days where people leave us, and our hearts will shatter.
There will be days where we just can’t get out of bed, because we feel incredibly vulnerable and we want to hide under the comfort of the covers.
There will be days where we get caught out in the rain, with no umbrella in sight.
There will be days where we feel dangerously passionate and emotionally extreme.
There will be days where we are angry and irritable, unable to strangle our feelings or keep our tempers in check.
And it’s okay.
It’s all okay.
Wonderful, in fact.
It’s beyond beautiful to experience these less-than-perfect things, too.
Because not every day is meant to be happy.
Because this life is fucking crazy, insane in fact, and we’re going to feel a lot of things.
Why not feel it all?
Because it’s okay to have a bad day or a hard day.
Bad and hard days are brilliant, too.
Why not feel it all?
Love elephant and want to go steady?
Author: Sarah Harvey
Editor: Renée Picard