March 20, 2015

How to Say I Love You, Silently.


Find me when I am vulnerable and slightly afraid, in a moment when it is unexpected and our newness is still wrapped around us tightly, so tightly that we are both afraid to move for fear of tearing the delicate trance we are both in.

Sit next to me, in the sweltering heat and be close to me, feeling the steam like heat rise off of my bare shoulders. Touch me for the first time, softly, slightly, and let the air escape your lips as if it had been held there for eternity and you had finally found release.

Let your lips touch my skin and taste the salty glistening warmth lingering on the softness of my neck, dewy from the humidity and the trepidation. Feel my body lean into you, desperate for your touch and begging you to continue, but being utterly unable to make a sound.

Find me when I am afraid of being caught, of waking the kids up, of being completely consumed by you. Touch me when I am so afraid that I will love you with my whole soul and you will find me lacking when my own insecurity restricts me like a cage around my heart.

Watch me closely but silently as my fear brings me to my feet, even when my soul wants to stay next to you on that bench forever. Watch me pace the space we share and smile to yourself, knowing that I am trying desperately to distract myself and escape the fear that is crushing me.

Your moment is finally here, when the fear of being vulnerable has completely overpowered me, when I am nearly paralyzed with the thought of letting go. This is your moment. Walk to me stealthily, knowing the only thing I can hear is the chaos in my mind and that you will be able to move unnoticed.

Touch your fingertips to my hips, pulling me gently into you, feeling the resistance either from the fear or the shock of your touch, or perhaps both. The second my back softens against your chest, know then that the fear has been annihilated, powerless against the mighty force of your tender touch. Feel the calm wash over me, and know that this calm can only come from your hands.

Someday, this feeling will be familiar to me; but in this moment, it will be the first time any man has silenced my raging heart.

Taste my neck again and feel me relax completely against you, eyes closed and blissful. Feel the weight of me against you and know how safe and secure I feel there. Move your hands to the waist of my skirt, slipping your hands under the fabric there. Watch my skin erupt in chill bumps at the thrill it sends through me, waves of pleasure coursing through my physical being while my mind wanders to the possibilities the next moments hold.

This is where I will turn towards you, no longer able to resist, filled to the brim with desire and love.
My hands will reach up to you in one fluid movement and instinctively lace behind your neck, as if I had done this with you a thousand times before. I will pull you towards me with all of the strength I possess, bring you impossibly close to my body and with what little resolve I have left, pull your full, soft lips onto mine.

The moment our lips touch, I will be reborn. My feet will no longer touch the ground—my grip on reality will be wholly lost in your embrace. Pull me closer to you with the strength in your broad shoulders and hold me there, tightly. Kiss me deeply and slowly, until you feel my dizziness shudder against you. Don’t stop, even though you feel as though I might lose consciousness. Hold me tighter, and kiss me deeper.

I will never want anything as completely as I will crave you in that moment. But I will know, even then, that I don’t merely want you for one moment. I will want you for every moment—forever. I will be yours then, even before you know it completely. I will love you, deeply and completely, though I will know that I cannot tell you with my words just yet. But my lips, even though no words are uttered, will press against you feverishly, desperate to show you how voraciously my heart burns for you.

After that moment has passed, and life goes on and we return to reality, the embers of my love will burn for you just below the surface, unnoticed and untouched, until the next time your delicious lips touch mine, when they will ignite into a devouring pyre.



I want you to Touch Me.


Author: Ruthie Whiddon

Editor: Travis May

Photos: Author’s Own

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