April 14, 2015

Let’s Get Intimate: The Low-Down on Lubricants. {Adult Q & A}

coconut oil

Do you have questions about creating intimacy or developing mindful relationships?
Confusing questions? Awkward ones? Deep, dark scary ones?
I want them.

Email your questions to: [email protected].

All relephant questions will be answered with loving kindness in this weekly column. (Yes. Every one.)
Authors remain anonymous.
No judgments, just soulful answers.

I am a highly sexual being. I am also aging.

Of course, we’re all aging. But what what this aging thing means is that certain parts of our delectable and reliable apparatus simply don’t do what they used to anymore.

Things, well, shift.

For example, my sexual inner sanctum used to be as pristine as the Manhattan grid system. Now, thanks to natural childbirth, it’s more like the New Jersey Turnpike. So be it; I’ve adjusted (and my partner has zero complaints). Also, as I enter middle age, my natural lubrication system—which (again with the NYC reference) once resembled the geyser from a busted Manhattan fire hydrant in August—on rare occasion needs a little extra swooshiness.

That’s where lubricants come in. And that’s what we’re going to talk about today.

I am 27 years of age and my lover is 42 years of age. She likes having sex with me but she doesn’t get wet very easily. What can we do?

It is perfectly normal for a woman to lose some of her natural vaginal moisture as she ages. (I speak, albeit reluctantly, from experience.)

You may try using a sexual lubricant during intercourse in order to prevent irritation of both her her skin and yours. Water-based lubricants are an excellent choice for this situation since they mimic the body’s natural fluids. Also, if they dry out, they can often be reconstituted with a bit of water.

Can you be allergic to lubrication? If so, what other protection [against pregnancy] can someone use for sexual intercourse?

It is certainly possible for some people to have an allergic reaction to certain sexual lubricants. Lubrication should not be considered a reliable source of protection, however. While some lubricants contain the spermicide Nonoxinol-9, and can assist in contraception, the lube itself is not effective to protect against STDs (Socially Transmitted Diseases).

Additionally, some more natural ingredients in lubricants like Citric acid, menthol, and açaí honey can also cause irritation rather than the stimulating tingle they are designed to deliver.

What can I do if I am allergic to a sexual lubricant?

If irritation occurs with a certain brand of lubricant, you may simply try switching to another, milder lube. Should irritation continue—redness, itching, swelling, small bumps in the area the lube was used—consult a physician to treat the affected area and to receive suggestions about the best lubricant for your needs.


Unless you have a nut allergy, might I suggest my favorite lubrication by far: Organic, food-grade coconut oil. It’s not water-based, but it does wonders for all parts of your body. Besides, it’s not harmful if swallowed. Which happens. Enough said.

Happy loving, and keep your emails coming!


Relephant Read:

The 3 Naughty Things I Do With Coconut Oil.


Author: Rachel Astarte

Editor: Catherine Monkman

Photo: Phu Thinh Co/Flickr


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