Warning: naughty language below!
When I fall in love, I fall hard!
When in love, I turn into this crazy person who delights in just about everything. I’m always thinking about my lover, texting one another daily, lusty meetings, experiencing sex everywhere—even in public places! When passion takes over there’s no telling when, where and for how long. I’ve done it with complete strangers (Erica Jong many years ago called it “The Zipless Fuck”) and of course I’ve done it with people I’ve had long term relationships. I’ve had some friends with benefits, too. I’ve also made many mistakes. I really thought I knew about relationships, and what I wanted—but looking back I didn’t know shit! So when I realized all the mistakes I’ve made, I decided to share some of the kick-yourself-in-the-ass wakeup points to help you avoid making the same mistakes I did.
l. I refuse to change from within to please someone else—I do it for me! When I change for someone else I’m not holding and showing my authentic power.
2. My culture has convinced me that if I change, my soulmate will show up, but this is not true! No deals with the universe! Some folks might be lucky but again, don’t try and make a deal with the universe that because I’m changing that wonderful lover will show up!
3. Know my value system? It’s Imperative that I realize what’s important for me…what’s acceptable and what’s a deal breaker.
4. I’m not sitting around and waiting for that special person to show up…I ‘m doing life!
5. I date on the internet. It’s one dimensional, meaning I cannot tell anything about this person online with just a photo, a paragraph of what they are seeking, so I meet them as quickly as I can. This way I learn quickly who is full of shit!
6. I make a list of important qualities I want in a partner and another list of limitations that I can deal with.
7. When I meet a person and we both want children, then somewhere down the line one of us changes our mind—that spells trouble. It’s best to figure this out early and leave early if necessary!
8. If my partner does one thing but says another, I will call them on it. If they promise they will change and then don’t, I leave!
9. I give and receive respect!
10. When the throes of passion calm down after two years, what am I left with?
11. Do I want casual or serious?
12. If we both have children, and the relationship is serious, figure out a good timetable for the children to meet.
13. I don’t try to take the place of my partner’s children’s missing parent.
14. If I meet up with this exciting person who travels the world and loves adventure but doesn’t (eventually) include me, I’m out of there!
15. I want my partner and I to be truly honest with one another without cutting one another into shreds.
16. I want a partner who reflects inwardly like I do—or at least can understand this.
17. Do we have each other’s back in good and bad times?
18. My partner seems narcissitic or self-centered—can I accept it?
19. I’m highly sexual—does my sex drive match my partner’s?
20. Am I marrying my lover or their family?
I hope some of these suggestions help you out. I certainly want to see more happy relationships out there and share from my mistakes. Don’t give up! Don’t settle! Be fucking honest with yourself and others.
Author: Sherri Rosen
Editor: Renée Picard
Image: Wikipedia Commons