July 12, 2015

Get Out of Your Own Damn Way.


There is an immediate and radical shift in our lives that occurs the moment we decide to step out of fear and into a place of authenticity.

When we stop letting our inner critic dictate what we say and do.

When we step into the place of the unknown, explore our pockets of vulnerability and allow ourselves to really be seen.

When we finally get out of our own damn way.

After reading the first part of a very inspirational book, Women Who Run With the Wolves, it spoke about that inner voice that often encourages us to hold back and stay safe.

The voice that says things such as:

“Oh, don’t say that.”

“You can’t do that.”

“You’re going to humiliate yourself.”

That voice can be such an asshole! Telling us were not good enough, not worthy enough or that we should really just keep quiet.

I didn’t realize how much space that inner jerk was taking up in my mind! I didn’t realize how often I kept quiet when I wanted to speak. I didn’t realize until recently that why I was doing so was because of fear.

A fear that I would be judged. A fear that people would think I’m strange. A fear that I would not be welcomed, included and accepted for who I am, how I feel and what I have to say.

Desperately needing a break from that inner jerk, I decided to conduct an experiment by sending it on vacation for the week. I had had enough. It was officially off duty for the time being.

I quickly learnt how utterly present I needed to be, in each and every moment, to make sure the choices I made and the words I spoke weren’t initiating from that place of fear.

I started with myself, allowing myself to feel exactly what I’m feeling or experiencing and remind myself that whatever it is, it’s okay.

When I would interact with people instead of filtering, editing or holding back I just said it like it is. I said exactly how I felt and what I really believed. No smoke and mirrors, no sugar coating, just truth.

There were many moments that voice would pipe up and tell me to just be “normal” and make regular small talk. Or to reel it in when I thought I had said too much. There were moments that my heart would race and my voice would shake, but I continued on. Feet firmly planted upon the earth and my heart wide open.

Being unapologetically myself, in each and every moment.

It was easily the scariest, but most exhilarating week of my entire life.

It brought an unparalleled sense of empowerment, like nothing I had ever experienced before. I can’t believe how much time has gone by not living in this way. How much time I’ve just been marinating in fear.

When I finally stepped out of fear and into a place of truth, the most incredible sequence of events immediately unraveled. The people that I met, the conversations that were had, the doors that opened and the places it took me… was almost unbelievable.

I had four of the most inspiring and heart-expansive conversations I’ve had in my entire life all within one week. All with people I had never met, or only had exchanged a few hello how are yous with.

There was minimal small talk exchanged. The conversations went deep, fast.

We spoke about what charges us up, about the ripple effects of our words and actions, about the importance of self-inquiry and self-responsibility.

About the importance of taking care of ourselves to be able to be of service to others. About owning our sh*t and resolving past pain and trauma.

We spoke about the fragility of this life and how rapidly it evolves. About how there is no room for self-doubt. About how we absolutely must trust what we know, experience and feel to be true.

We spoke about the intelligence of the unseen and the intangible. We spoke about those wonderfully overwhelmingly, completely indescribable moments of being so connected…with a person, the earth, god, ourselves or whatever it may be.

About those moments of basking in pure awareness and what it feels like to really be alive.

We shared stories, vulnerabilities and insecurities. We spoke about how every single moment is completely necessary, perfectly timed and woven with important lessons for the soul.

We shared moments of laughter, moments of tear-filled eyes and moments of goose bumps when one of us said something that struck a cord of truth deep within.

When we move through life in this way, when we’re grounded yet open and vulnerable, not only does it benefit ourselves, but it benefits everyone around us.

When we step into our authentic selves, it creates a safe space for others to do the same.

When we’re open, when we share our vulnerabilities and insecurities, it allows others to know whatever they’re feeling, experiencing, or going through—that it’s okay.

That it’s okay to be heard.

That it’s okay to be seen, really seen.

It’s only when we’re completely honest we realize how similar we all really are. We all make mistakes, we learn, we unlearn. We all experience love and we all experience loss.

There is an entire community of humans out there to laugh with, to cry with and hear what we have to say.

We are not walking this path alone.

What if we all sent that inner-jerk on a permanent vacation? What if we all made our choices and communicated our words from a place of authenticity? Could you imagine the conversations that would transpire and the depth of the connections between one another that would be made?

Could you imagine how many people would simply feel less isolated and alone?

Could you imagine what we could do and create as a collective if we all just got out of our own damn way?

When you get of our your own way…

You allow life to flow through you, as you.

We must allow ourselves to be open, to be raw and to be unapologetically who we are.

We must keep our feet firmly planted upon the earth and our hearts wide open.

For ourselves. For each other. For the greater good of all that is.



Loving & Understanding an Empath.


Author: Alexa Torontow

Editor: Travis May

Photos: Author’s Own


Read 5 Comments and Reply

Read 5 comments and reply

Top Contributors Latest

Alexa Torontow  |  Contribution: 7,770