July 10, 2015

“How to Make Love to a Trans Person.” {Adult}


Capital T, “transgender”—it’s a popular topic of discussion these days.

From Laverne Cox (Orange is the New Black) to the infamous Caitlyn Jenner, transgender people are finally having their day in the sun.

Things have progressed to the point where I was able to have a rational and civilized (albeit clumsy) conversation with my son and husband around the dinner table concerning the differences between being transgender, transexual and intersex.

Even so, for us boring old hetero cis people (“cis” refers to people are deemed a certain gender at birth and grow up to identify with that same gender category), other kinds of sexual expression, identity or desire can be a dark and murky place of which we have—understandably—little understanding.

Of course, it must be added that in many cases we have even less understanding of our own sexuality.

As such, I get excited for any possibility of light-shedding, and the following poem is like a set of high beams on a starless night.

This poem is so good, however, that to me it does not just describe the subculture (I hate that word. Let’s say alternate culture) of sex with a trans person, but the optimal experience of sex with any person. In other words, if we treated our lovers as the narrator of this piece suggests, we would have elevated connection, sensuality and passion to a whole new level.

And isn’t that what making love is really supposed to be about?

Personally, I’ll take my cues from the talented Gabe Moses. My husband better get ready to hang onto his hat the next time we take a tumble, because I’ll be making love to him like he’s a trans person, and he’s going to be smiling from ear to ear.

The following is an excerpt from Queer Poetics: How to Make Love to a Trans Person {Poem} by Gabe Moses, courtesy of Genderqueer Chicago. 


“Forget the images you’ve learned to attach
To words like cock and clit,
Chest and breasts.
Break those words open….
Push your hands inside.
Get them messy.
Scratch new definitions on the bones…

When you peel layers of clothing from his skin
Do not act as though you are changing dressings on a trauma patient
Even though it’s highly likely that you are.
Do not ask if she’s “had the surgery.”
Do not tell him that the needlepoint bruises on his thighs look like they hurt
If you are being offered a body
That has already been laid upon an altar of surgical steel
A sacrifice to whatever gods govern bodies
That come with some assembly required
Whatever you do,
Do not say that the carefully sculpted landscape…
Looks almost natural….

Realize that bodies are only a fraction of who we are
They’re just oddly-shaped vessels for hearts.”


To read the poem in its entirety, click here.



Intersex Society of North America

Queer Poetics


Relephant Read:

I am a Straight Woman who Fell in Love with a Transgender Woman.


Straight White Man Explains Human Sexuality in 2 Minutes {Video}.

Author: Erica Leibrandt

Editor: Alli Sarazen

Photo: Pabak Sakar/Flickr

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