July 1, 2015

What to do When Nothing is Working out.


This is the worst.

When everything starts to go downhill at once.

A death. An illness. A divorce. Fear. Sorrow. Grief.

Or it can be small things that pummel us.

A bunch of things that seem small compared to genocide and kidnapping but hurt our hearts nonetheless.

Loss of a job, confusion, old trauma from childhood coming back to haunt us.

And that is why the first thing we need to do when nothing is working out is to remember that all of this is normal.

Somehow this is really hard to remember.

Somehow we forget that we are sharing the planet with seven billion people and most of them are struggling with finding love, being parents or making enough money, too.

Instead we go straight to believing that we have screwed our lives up when the shit hits the fan. We instantly believe we have caused our own suffering and in some way have not been good at being in control of our lives.

So, when nothing is working out, the first thing we can remember to do is to remember that nothing working out is normal.

In her book Frequency: The Power of Personal Vibration, Penney Peirce describes these natural ups and down in our life as a wave. She explains that:

“Moving harmoniously with a wave involves mastering the turns, both at the crest and the trough, seeing that you’re about to receive the next thing you need rather than thinking you’re moving from one problem to another problem. The turns are where you can realize the gifts that have been given and the lessons learned, so gratitude and optimism are particular useful at these times.”

Penney Peirce is reminding us that having difficulties is a normal part of the human journey. That we will all have ups and we will all have downs and the important thing is to not get too caught up in thinking the downs are a problem.

At the trough of the wave, Peirce writes, there is an essential learning and growth occurring. All that is required of us is to show up with an inquisitive and open attitude about what we can learn and how we can grow when we are at the low part of the wave.

Peirce goes on to remind us that:

“Since waves go where they want in spite of obstacles, it’s best not to get in their way. In fact, it’s more useful to think of yourself as the waves itself, rather than as the immovable object in the wave’s path.”

In other words: don’t block the process.

Blocking the process looks like blaming ourselves, over-thinking the situation, worrying endlessly, spending our precious time coming up with worst case scenarios about how our life is ruined and will never be good again.

All blocking the process does is lower our personal vibration, which then creates fertile ground for more negative situations.

What is so amazing about working with personal vibration is that we have the option to raise our vibration anytime, even when everything is sh*t.

Okay, when everything is sh*t, it’s pretty difficult to raise our personal vibration. When the negative thoughts take over, and our minds have convinced us that nothing will ever work out, then the situation can become very sticky and hard to break away from.

But the absolute truth is that we always have the choice to shift perspective.

Sometimes it can feel difficult to shift perspective because the old patterns and the negativity are very comfortable.

We know them.

We have spent a lot of time curled up in their arms.

This is what is so beautiful about self-love. When self-love starts to bloom, we find a place in ourselves that wants to kick the old negative thoughts to the curb because we know that standing in a higher vibration of seeing abundance in our lives is simply a nicer way to be.

And, since we love ourselves, we would prefer to spend our time feeling nicer.

One way to do this is to shift to a perspective of seeing that whatever is happening in our lives is a part of our soul journey, instead of it seeing it as a problem, a catastrophe or a big, awful mistake.

Here is an example:

Let’s say you’re getting divorced.

Instead of thinking all the time, “I am getting divorced and I suck and I couldn’t even hold my marriage together, I must be a crummy person.”

We can think, “Divorce is presently occurring as part of my soul journey.”

Can you feel the difference between these two statements?

Can you feel the spaciousness and shifting from I have done a horrible thing to myself or I am being punished by the universe to just noticing that there is a challenge occurring.

Not because we are bad.

Not because we are unworthy.

Just because challenges are part of the human experience.

Just because we are a wave.

In every part of the wave we have the opportunity to use loving inquiry and awareness to find the places we are negative and our vibration is low for the purpose of seeking out ways to shift to love and forgiveness.

Peirce explains:

“The turning point at the crest is when you reach the most materialistic, extroverted view of life, when materialization is complete and we feel ‘high’ and successful. In physics terms, the wave has become a particle. The most challenging time may be when the wave turns at the trough – when you’re bored, feel things fading, need space, and must release meaning and what’s outmoded in order to return to Being. In studying physics, this is where the particle becomes the wave. Moving from the trough to crest seems like the fun part because it involves enthusiasm, motivation, and achieving goals. But releasing old forms, relaxing, dreaming of multiple imaginary realities, and rejuvenating ourselves are every bit as pleasurable. Chronic resistance to the turning points of wave can cause exaggerated dramatic shifts, such as crises and traumas.”

Peirce is literally talking about going with the flow.

But even more exact, she is suggesting that we become the flow.

To really become the flow we need to let go of the concept that nothing is working out for us and instead embrace the wave exactly where it is.

We can float or surf or ride or sink.

But we stay the wave.

And eventually it will be a crest again.

And then a trough again.

And maybe we’ll even find  gratitude for the opportunity to be one with this particular wave that is our soul journey.


Author: Ruth Lera

Editor: Caroline Beaton

Image: Flickr


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