July 9, 2015

Why Am I Still Single? Responses you Should (and Should Not) Offer.

alone, dandelion, wish

It doesn’t happen too often, but every now and again I puzzle over my current relationship status with a certain sadness.

This time of reflection often results in asking myself, “Why am I still single?”

While there are a multitude of reasons I don’t often share these feelings with others—to include being conscientious and careful about what I put out to the Universe and living in a state of gratitude for what I do possess—the predominate reason I hold back is due to the responses received. Though well intended, they usually leave much to be desired. When I do occasionally decide to confide in friends or family with such feelings, I usually hear one of these typical responses:

1. “Who wants a man anyway?”
Ironically, this response is usually given by friends who actually have a man. Hello, I do! Clearly, I’m willing to wait for the “right” one, but heck yea (said in my Napoleon Dynamite voice), I would love someone to adore.

2. “It’ll happen when the time is right.”
Really? I know this, but I want the time to be right now, okay? This is absolutely true and not an unreasonable sentiment. I’ve said the same words myself. I believe the Universe has a way of aligning the stars to our benefit at the right time even if we can’t see it. However, Mama don’t want to hear this.

3. “You have (insert any group of people; i.e.: kids, friends, parents, etc.) who love you.”
I understand this response is to remind me of the blessings in my life. Anyone who knows me, knows I strive to live in a constant state of gratitude. You wouldn’t tell a woman who wants kids she doesn’t need them because she has loving parents or a friend who doesn’t have a parent in their life that it shouldn’t affect them because they have good friends. Why? Because love is different in different relationships and expands different parts of our lives. For some reason, a single person’s desire for romantic love is often dismissed as frivolous even though most would agree a boyfriend/girlfriend, partner or husband/wife is commonly a primary relationship.

4. Last and my personal favorite, “You need to learn to be with yourself.”
Ummm, I think I’ve mastered that over the past three and a half years actually being single. The fact that I haven’t jumped into a sub-par relationship only lends itself as evidence that I am fully capable of being alone.

Last weekend, I told one of my oldest and dearest friends that I was in one of those moods. Struggling with thoughts of ever finding a good match and a man to adore who has the time and intent to adore me in return. She is privy to my “love language” and as we share the same one, has a knack for making me feel loved. I went to my car earlier this week after a day’s work to find a card tucked in the window. Inside was a note that she was thinking of me, a printed quote that currently resides above my nightstand about the answering of prayers and a letter that was the kindest and most compassionate response I have ever heard to the question, “Why am I still single?” It read:

“…I know that you will be with someone and a very special person. God is just waiting to find that special man because He can’t just throw any man your way…that is not Godly. Trust me—it will be hard for him to find someone who can match up to you! I am sure He has been trying hard though and will not stop until Mr. Right is put in your view…”

I have read this every night before I close my eyes and say my prayers to the Universe. I still get teary eyed at the depth of her love for me, faith, and confidence in what will be. If there was ever a master response given to any woman asking why she is still single, this should be it.

Its essence is assuring, loving and inspiring.

When I read this and think about how the Universe has placed a strong friendship to deliver the perfect sentiment to my heart, I am given confidence that the Universe is also working on my behalf to place me with my Mr. Right.



Relephant Read:

How to be Single Again.


Author: Rochelle Qualkenbush

Editor: Renee Jahnke

Image: Guido-Flickr

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Rochelle Qualkenbush