At certain points in our lives, we may find it difficult to pinpoint what we really desire.
My recent experience of chronic indecisiveness related to a romantic relationship.
Perhaps you can relate?
After being in a long-term relationship with someone I held very dearly for two years, I decided I needed to let go. Things had changed. It had been a highly stressful year for both of us in our own ways, and I felt we both needed room to grow.
Fast forward a few months, and I was getting to know someone new.
This person started to pursue me quite emphatically, which, while flattering, was also a bit startling. I talked about how I was feeling about this person with someone I consider a friend and an elder, and whose advice I trust.
She asked me a series of questions which led me to realize that I had almost no clue what I wanted as far as a romantic relationship goes.
Did I want to get married in a few years?
Did I want to be more carefree and just get to know people, perhaps through dating different people over some length of time?
Did I want to turn my focus to other things—such as my career or creative pursuits—and leave relationships on the back burner for a while?
My friend told me I needed to get clear on what I wanted so that I could articulate that to a potential mate. Then I could allow the other person to know what my expectations were, so that we could be on the same page.
If I didn’t know where I was going, how could I expect the other person to know where the relationship was leading?
So, I thought on it. I prayed. I read different inspirational articles. I kept trying to find clarity for over a month. Nothing. I began to get frustrated. Why couldn’t I figure out what I wanted?
At last, I met with my friend again and she asked if I had come to any conclusions. I explained that I had not, despite my best efforts to do so, and that I was feeling discouraged. Without missing a beat, she shared with me one of the best pieces of wisdom I have ever received, based on her own experience:
She told me that since I had been trying to get clarity, but could not find it, that I simply was not meant to have it yet. That God (or the Universe) meant for me not to know yet. In this instance, because I had consistently put forth the effort to figure things out, but came up empty-handed, it meant that God didn’t want me to find clarity yet. I needed to accept that, be patient, and allow the knowing to unfold on the Universe’s clock.
That night, I felt lighter, and since then, I have felt more at ease about where I’m at in my life. I don’t really know where exactly I’m going, or what I want, but I have faith that if I set the intention, that eventually, when the time is right, things will become clear to me, and I’ll be able to be open and honest about that with a potential partner.
That knowledge will likely serve me in other areas of my life. We all go through times where our internal compass goes haywire and we have to trust ourselves and the Universe enough to allow the space for clarity to arise and new things to take shape.
It is my hope that reading this will help you to feel a bit lighter and more at peace during phases in your own life when you may encounter uncertainty. If it does, please share. Your feedback is also welcome.
Author: Marjorie McNaughton
Apprentice Editor: Taija Jackson / Editor: Caitlin Oriel
Photo: Flickr/Jose Maria Cuellar