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October 14, 2015

Can We Fall in Love Without Face-Planting? 5 Ways to Avoid Heartbreak.

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When I say “falling in love,” I don’t mean the part where we get swept off our feet…I mean the face-plant part.

The aftermath.

A couple years ago my best friend and I took a trip to Italy. We were both licking fresh wounds from serendipitous break ups and were trying to make the most of it by means of generous amounts of Prosecco and comfort food. Lucky for us, Italy had plenty. Unlucky for us, every park we walked through was filled with a sea of young lovers going at it, and ok, possibly copulating. To make ourselves feel better we would pretend to yell, “Be careful, someone’s gonna get hurt! We can’t tell which one right now, but it’s going to be one of you!”

We would giggle and carry on shamelessly looking for our next peril with love because let’s be honest, we wanted to be copulating in the park too. But the question is…why?

Why is love so euphoric and yet so potentially torturous? And how can these two things go hand in hand?

I mean, have you ever really been in love and not been somehow heartbroken?

WTF is love, anyway? (And what is it not?)

We fall in love to remember our true and natural state of being, love. After all, when we are in love we are seeing that person for all that they really are. Love relationships are meant to nudge us into our fullest expression.

The problem arises when we confuse another for being our source of love when really the love is just being reflected and shared between two people.

As soon as we plug into another for our source of love, we limit the infinite love that is available. The ego will then work fervently to try to get the love to stay demanding conditions and professions to feel safe. In our attachment to these needs—which is based in lack and forgetfulness that we are already full, we disrupt the love that is available through us.

It is the contrast of the ego and fearful attempts to control or extract safety from another is the heartbreak we experience…aka the face-plant.

Where do we go wrong?

“It’s not you, it’s me.” Okay, so we’re giving new meaning to this one, and I promise you’ll never be the same if you can really grasp this one. This “accountability factor” will be your insurance policy.

When something goes wrong, it’s always you.

Case in point:

Month 2: “You are perfect. I love the way you strike up conversation with strangers, you’re so sexy and confident.”

Year 2: “Why are you so insecure that you have to get approval from everyone? Ugh, you literally flirt with anything that walks.”

Here’s what happens: We start projecting our own needs onto them. We stop just “seeing them” and we start “needing them” to be something to meet our conditional contentment. This can happen at any point in the relationship and in varying degrees. Waiting for someone to call so we can “know” how to feel about ourselves is ridiculous…but we still do it subconsciously.

We tend to rely on their actions to create inner peace for us.

The point is that no one can make us suffer—there is always a choice. Yes, even if they lie, cheat or steal.

Our needs are literally the demise of every relationship, and ironically also the demise of our joy.

The Face-Plant: A couple of nicks and bruises vs. ICU

So, yes we can fall in love without falling as long as we remain accountable for our emotions and well-being. We are where we are, we attract the perfect lessons to us—the beauty is that we can choose how to react, interpret and perceive the world around us. Through conscious living, the desire to grow and the ability to take compassionate responsibility, all is possible.

The truth is love is not sacrifice, love is not pain, love from another is not there to make us feel safe or ok in the world—in fact, this will keep us lost and in conflict forever. All is available through you. It is time for a new type of relationship to emerge, of freedom, self-accountability and conscious awakening.

What if we just allowed for the experience instead of conditioning what a relationship should look and feel like? Releasing others of obligation will only allow more love to exist, it’s silly how we think we can control love. It has no opponent.

5 Tips to Prevent The Face-Plant.

1. Practice love.

Practice the feeling of love by seeing it in all things, this is like working a muscle but also building your energy up and out so there is no way that the fear, blame or victimhood can be active. Make a list of all the things you love, watch for examples of it, celebrate it often.

2. Trigger your expansion. 

Realize that any circumstance you are experiencing is for your growth, not your demise. What is the spiritual lesson in the perceived hardship? What is this person or soul here to teach us?

3. Use pain as an indicator of light.

Pain is just letting you know you’re not functioning from your truth. If you are feeling discomfort, fear, heartbreak or pain, you are functioning from a foundational belief that is not your true identity or based in love.

4. Take compassionate accountability.

We create our reality through our thoughts, so what belief is creating the circumstance you are experiencing? What have you believed to be necessary to receive love? Take compassionate accountability in creating the circumstance and know that you can simply change it by changing your thoughts about it.

5. Release others of all obligations.

Realize that the moment a need arises, we can actually create the feeling we want to get from the other person. When we release demands onto others, we actually create more space for them to be free and for both to experience more love.

 

 

 

 

Author: Bree Melanson

Editor: Renée Picard

Image: Andra MIhali at Flickr 

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