November 22, 2015

For all the Single Ladies: This is why We are still Single.

single lady

“Instead of ‘single’ as a marital status…I prefer ‘independently owned and operated’.” ~ Avinash Wandre

We are single because we have chosen to not settle for less than we deserve.

We are single because we have discovered our own worth shining like brilliant diamonds underneath the hardened dry earth.

We have garnered lessons about our value—but now that we have, we won’t accept less than others treating us exactly the way we are worthy of.

There may have been times when we looked to others to validate our existence.

We spent time learning that no one—not even a great man—can make us feel special or loved if, in fact, we haven’t already learned that we are.

We are single because we have already realized that the greatest love affair we will ever have is in the one we nurture within ourselves.

Although we are a still a work in progress, we have fallen madly deeply passionately in love with ourselves.

We have become our own best friend—and our own lover.

We love the company that we provide for ourselves—and we will not take another into our lives unless he can make it just that much sweeter.

We are not the single ladies shouting in Beyoncé’s video to put a ring on it.

No, because this time, we have put a damn ring on it ourselves.

Not because we don’t dream of the day that a man will slide a ring on our finger and promise to be the constant in our ever changing skies—but because we have realized that we are much more than a woman in waiting.

We are the new single ladies—and we are single because we choose to be.

We may not be warriors or goddesses every day—sometimes we are just a plain hot mess.

But a beautiful one.

We don’t shy away from mess or chaos—instead we embrace all of our perfectly human characteristics, because we know that is what makes us unique.

It’s what makes the beat of our drum, our own kind of wonderful tune, in a world where everyone seems to have their own opinions on what makes good music.

We are single because we don’t need to take a lover to feel loved—because we already know that we are love.

We are single because we refuse to give up on the damn dream, held within our hearts.

And we have no use for men who want to come for the night, but not stay for the morning.

While we have learned this lesson the hard way, it’s been etched into our bones, changing our gait forever.

We are single.

We aren’t waiting to be taken off the market—but instead choosing to live life until the moment comes when a man truly opens his eyes and sees us.

We should be appreciated for each and every amazing part of who we are—and every single dark shadow where we sometimes hide.

We are the women who chase our dreams until we wake up with them as a reality.

We fund our own goddamn life, and while that may be intimidating for some—it will be a gift for the one who finally catches us.

This isn’t about hating on men—because we don’t.

In fact, we wish for nothing more than a man who is our equal.

Although it may force us to experience lonely nights and tears over those who just can’t show up— we know that we are more than okay being by ourselves.

Because being by ourselves means that we have made the choice to hold out—for the whole damn enchilada.

And even though, at times, we may wonder if we have made the right choices or if we will be single forever—we have a tiny voice inside our hearts, reminding us.

To keep on, keeping on.

Because we’ve been doing our thing for so long that now it’s easier to stay single than it is to sacrifice what we really want from this crazy amazing life.

It’s not wrong, and it’s not bad that we can’t make ourselves happy with incomplete love.

Whether we dream of a two story colonial or wanderlust around our beautiful planet—our dreams are perfect simply because that is what our soul truth is.

And it’s flawlessly beautiful that we want a type of realistic fairytale, that hasn’t been written yet. One tasting of rich Bordeaux and Mexican chocolate

It’s okay for us to make it up as we go along—and its okay for us to change our minds once we get there.

Because we are single—but more than that, we are whole.

We are whole in our lives, in our hearts and most importantly, in our souls.

We don’t have time for games or to give ourselves to those who just aren’t worthy of our amazingness.

There isn’t any need to rationalize this to others, nor is it our job to make sense of it for them.

When we are asked, “Why is a woman like you single?”

We can simply say, “It’s because I am a woman like me, that I am single.”

No further explanation necessary.

Because single doesn’t mean there is something wrong or lacking within us—it just means we paint in colors not everyone has seen.

And not everyone is ready for technicolor darlin’.

But that doesn’t mean we will ever change.

Because it has taken us a good long time to find ourselves—and we won’t give that up for anything or anyone.

We are the single ladies.

We are sleeping in Egyptian cotton, drinking 10 year old scotch and handling our business like a boss.

But, just because we are the directors and writers of our own lives—doesn’t mean that our heart isn’t yearning for a soft place to land.

This time though, we know what we want—and what we deserve.

And settling is just not in our vocabulary.

So, yes, we are single—and isn’t that great?



This is What I Know about Love.

Author: Kate Rose

Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock

Photo: flickr/Noel Foglia

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