November 28, 2015

I Promise that I Won’t Listen: A Letter to Everyone I Know.

Ian Schneider/Unsplash

I promise that who I am now isn’t who I am going to be next year, next week or even tomorrow.

So let me change my mind; let me be flaky or indecisive. Let me get worked up when I am angry or excited—when I’m inspired.

You don’t have to stick around or even agree with anything that I do, and I promise that’s okay too.

But if you do, I just ask that you love me through my evolution, because even if I’m slowing down, I’m still going forward in my own way. Let me choose my own speed, because I need to move to the rhythm of my own heart, in the same way that you move to the rhythm of yours.

I promise that I’m going to shut you out.

Sometimes I’ll stop answering your calls, your emails, your text messages—and even bail on our plans. You might ask a million times if I am mad at you, or even just sit and wonder.

But I promise it’s not that. I promise that I’m taking the space I need to refuel and to nourish my soul.

I want to be able to show up for you and for our relationship in a way that can support us both. I want to be able to give you my full support and attention without feeling like I am burning the candle at both ends.

Sometimes I’ll dump some of my sh*t on you, but other times I’ll take my sh*t packing and “take five” in a corner by myself. I promise I’ll come back around, but if our lives decide to take us in different directions, then I will always appreciate what we had to offer one another.

I promise that I’m going to mess up (a lot).

I promise I’ll make a lot of mistakes, so please let me make them. Things are going to get messy, but allow me to settle into my own comfy little disasters for a little while before you jump in to help. Sometimes I’ll say one thing and then foolishly do another. I might end up back at the same starting line over and over again—and you might think I’m completely nuts.

But I promise to always keep learning from my mistakes.

I promise that I won’t listen to you.

Sometimes you will see the big picture, and I will see nothing but a tiny dot. Let me have my dot. You will offer love and support and probably even advice from time to time. More times than not, I will tell you that I think you are a genius, and then turn around and do my own thing.

Let me be curious about the boundaries of my life.

My intention is never to hurt you, or anyone for that matter. I am merely learning to comprehend, understand and speak the same language as my heart.

I promise I will always care too much.

I promise I will rarely tell you “no,” even when I probably should.

I promise I will always be trying to balance and juggle my happiness alongside yours, because I never want to disappoint you or see you hurt.

When it all comes down to it, I will always be ready to put my stuff on the back burner so that I can step in to help when you really need it. I will feel guilty when we don’t see eye to eye, and I will toss and turn in my anxious mind when I think I’ve done something wrong. My heart will beg for yours to love it back—and for you to be on our side.

I promise to be me. Always.

No matter what the dynamics are between us—good or bad—I promise to always show up as myself. Every single time. If it seems fuzzy or disconnected, then that’s just where my heart is at that day.

What you see will be exactly what you will get. Purely authentic and one hundred percent raw.

This I promise.


Relephant Read:

For My Soul Mate—I Promise You This.


Author: Amanda Kelly

Editor: Toby Israel

Photo: Ian Schneider/Unsplash // James Douglas/Unsplash


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Amanda Kelly