December 9, 2015

How I Let Go of All my Sexual Triggers.

Robin Green/Flickr

What if I told you transcendent levels of sex are possible? What if I told you to experience it you must release your sexual triggers? What if you could release all of your sexual triggers effortlessly?

You can.

Our sexual triggers all start with what we believe. What we believe about ourselves, what we believe about societal conditioning around sex, and what we believe about our partners.

As I started to dive deeper into my own sex life it led me down a path of questioning everything I believed about sex.

Why was I self-conscious about my body? Why didn’t I believe that I was beautiful? Why didn’t I love myself?

I was conditioned to be self-conscious about my body. Every day I was faced with images from advertisers telling me what was beautiful. I saw women with skinny bodies, large breasts, beautiful faces and immaculate hair. When I didn’t look like them, I thought I wasn’t beautiful. I saw weight loss ads, fitness ads, make up ads, hair product ads, and clothing ads.

Every day I was faced with messages that told me I needed to change to be beautiful.

This conditioning started in my toddler years. I had movies of princesses with tiny waists, big breasts, beautiful faces and immaculate hair. I played with Barbies with bodies that are physically impossible to achieve. The media and toy creators created the image of what was beautiful in what they sold to me as a child and they reinforced it in adulthood. I couldn’t love myself because I didn’t fit the image of “perfection” that was shoved down my throat my entire life.

And it is all bullsh*t. I failed to see the motivation of the media engine was to make more money in advertising dollars. I failed to see the motivation of product companies was to sell more products. The companies that fill our minds with the images of what we are “supposed” to look like were purely in it for their own self-interests. If I thought I was already beautiful why would I need their products?

I was appalled that I allowed this type of brain washing to affect my thoughts. I realized that my “image” of beauty wasn’t real. It was something that had been created for me.

Why did I think I had to project the “right image” in the bedroom? Why was I scared of being considered a “whore”? Why did I think it was “gross” or demeaning to do certain things in the bedroom?

Society taught me that sex is taboo.

It taught me that I could either be a whore or someone you want to marry. It taught me that what happened in the bedroom affected how I was perceived outside of the bedroom. It taught me that nudity was dirty and dressing provocatively attracted men. It taught me that certain sex acts disrespected my value as a woman. It taught me that marriage ruins sex. It taught me that my needs were more important than my partners needs. The messages conflicted and I didn’t know how to reconcile them.

My perception of sex and my role as a sexual partner were skewed by what society accepted as appropriate and what was taboo. And it was wrong. My confidence in the bedroom was shaken as I tried to live up to the fairy tale that someone else was writing.

Once I saw all the bullsh*t that was being fed to me I got angry. When I saw all the bullish*t for what it is it was easy to let it go. I could see advertisements for what they were. I could see the taboo sex had become for what it was. And I was frustrated enough to finally rebel against it all. Letting go of bullsh*t is easy. I let go of everything society and the media had told me sex was supposed to be and I started looking at what sex could be.

Sex could be beautiful. Sex could be limitless. Sex could be filled with pleasure. Sex could be filled with love for myself and my partner.

I started envisioning the reality I wanted to create. I thought about the type of sex I wanted to experience. I started envisioning the type of partner I wanted to experience it with. I imagined the levels of pleasure I wanted to experience. I started looking in the mirror naked and seeing the beauty in my body, my mind and more importantly in my soul. I started seeing sex as a beautifully limitless expression of pleasure that is full of love and respect for myself and my partner.

I was at peace with sex. I was no longer angry. I was overflowing with love for myself. I took that overflow and shared it with my partner.

I approached sex with one purpose—to give my partner more pleasure than he had ever experienced. I turned sex into an experience of showing my partner how much I loved him by putting his pleasure at the center of the interaction. I listened to all of his fantasies and turned them into reality.

He approached sex with the purpose of giving me more pleasure than I had ever experienced. He listened to my fantasies and turned them into reality. We found transcendental levels of pleasure by giving pleasure with no expectation of receiving pleasure in return.

When you have two people approaching sex with the sole purpose of pleasuring their partner amazing things happen. You transcend the levels of pleasure you thought were possible—over and over again.

To let go of sexual triggers we have to see them for what they are—bullsh*t that is created by the media and companies that want us to buy their products.

Letting go is as simple as no longer holding on. It’s time to drop the mic and starting creating a new reality for sex in our lives.


Author: Nichole Kelly

Editor: Katarina Tavčar

Photo: Robin Green/Flickr

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