March 9, 2016

An Open Letter to The Man Who I Fall For Next.

Girl, flowers

“What we find in a soulmate is not something wild to tame but something wild to run with. ~ Robert Brault

Dear Future Lover,

As I write this, I can’t be sure if we have met yet or not.

I feel like I should begin this love letter by thanking you for putting up with my antics and shenanigans.

I’m sure you are becoming well accustomed to what life with me is like—a conglomerate of unpredictable and weird moments filled with the occasional rollercoaster-esque emotions. That’s me.

Thank you for choosing me and thank you for loving me.

As much as I can sometimes deny, I know that I am complicated and scatterbrain. I’m sure you spend a good portion of our time together helping me look for the most recent item that I have misplaced.

I also presume that you have taken on the responsibility that my poor mother used to bear and that is the burden of being my living sticky note. I’m sure you have come to accept that I have absolutely no concept of time and that I get distracted by literally everything.

I’m sure you know by now that I know exactly what I want out of life on this given day, but tomorrow it will quite possibly change.

Thank you for keeping me in line. I have the utmost respect for a man that speaks his mind, so I know that the man I end up with won’t be shy to tell me when I am wrong. Thank you for being the kind of man that has your own opinions and beliefs. The kind of man that will debate with me and challenge me.

Thank you for understanding that you will probably never completely understand me. I will have days that I am annoyingly needy—then I have days where i need to go ghost and get away from everything.

Thank you for understanding my own time. I love to be with people, but I also love being alone. I need time to recover, think, and be a recluse just as much as I need time to go out and be the life of the party.

Thank you for respecting my strong distaste towards planned schedules. Routines and monotony make me crazy. I love not knowing what the day is going to hold.

Thank you for accepting that some days you are going to get extremely annoyed with me. Our plans will change 17 times before I actually decide what I want to do, because as we both know—do I ever really know what I want? No, I am forever just winging it.

Thank you for your patience and understanding. I know I am complicated and that my mind is always going a trillion miles per minute.

Thank you for listening to me when my brain is working out loud. Sometimes I am saying things that are crazy and contradictory of one another.

Thank you for being patient with my scatterbrain that is always filled with daydreams. I know I can be distracted at times with my own thoughts and can tend to escape to my own world inside my head— thank you for not banning me from it.

Thank you for accepting that when I can get away with it, I am probably not going to wear a bra or straighten my insane mess of hair.

Thank you for accepting my emotions. Something that I love to deny is just how emotional I truly am. Sometimes I will cry over something as silly as a dead squirrel. And I trust that since I love you, that you don’t scorn me for sometimes being hypersensitive.

Thank you for accepting me and understanding that I have to do things my own way—even if my way is the most ridiculous way possible. Sometimes I will ask for your advice or opinion and then completely disregard it; this is not out of disrespect—this is just me needing to do things the way I choose.

Thank you for accepting that I am the type of woman that can want and crave you so deeply-–but I will never need anyone but myself. So, thank you for not restricting me.

Thank you for respecting me. I hold a high level of respect for myself and know that the man I end up with will also hold high honor and respect for me.

Thank you for allowing me to always chase my dreams and for pushing me. I know I have many and they can change daily, but I know the man I end up with will support this about me and admire my drive for whatever I am passionate about in the moment.

Thank you for having fun with me. I know you will be the type of man that knows how to enjoy life and laugh. I want a life that is full of adventures and love. I want a life of meeting new people and experiencing everything I possibly can.

My heart is big and I love to love. Once I find you and open myself and my heart up to you, you’re it.

I am deeply committed and once I make up my mind there isn’t any changing it without divine intervention—because as we both know, I am painfully stubborn.

I can’t wait to love you, future lover.

“Love her but leave her wild” ~ Atticus

Author: Emily Cutshaw

Editor: Sara Kärpänen

Photo: Neill Kumarr / Unsplash

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