My idea of fun usually consists of one-on-one interaction, somewhere quiet and away from all the chaos.
I have recently entered a stage in life where I am a little tired of explaining myself to the friends who push me to participate in activities that I do not find remotely enjoyable—activities like going to noisy, ear-shattering clubs, bars filled with smoke, or meeting people who, for the most part, make me thoroughly uncomfortable.
It is important that all of us remember this: your idea of happiness is not necessarily my idea of happiness. Your idea of success is not necessarily my idea of success. And the same thing goes for fun.
So for all the souls rich in imagination, utterly self-sufficient, picky with the company they keep, sensitive of spirit, in need of quiet spaces and beautiful places, this is for you, and all those who may struggle to understand your preferences.
I am not a girl who goes to parties. I am shy; I find meeting new people unbearably difficult. That is not to say I am not confident, assertive, loud or out-going at times, but I give my time and attention only to those who I feel I can trust with my deepest darkest secrets. I would choose to sit in a bookstore or hike outdoors for hours, solely with that person and those secrets, over going to a club with a large group of people any day.
I am not the girl trying to draw attention to herself in crowded places. I sit quietly in the corner looking awkward, entirely out of place and desperately trying to blend in with the coffee table or the book I brought along to save myself, waiting patiently until my friends have finished having “fun.”
I am not the girl who asks for much in order to be entertained. I would rather sit somewhere and have a soul-to-soul conversation, or write about things that fascinate me and light up my heart, in a quiet little coffee shop, preferably in a part of the world that transports me back in time, somewhere that has kept its character and not replaced the old-fashioned with the soul-lacking modern.
I’d rather be doing a number of things on any given day than going to any type social gathering: Visiting organic food markets; planting herbs, vegetables, fruit and flowers in the garden; reading a wonderful book; painting; exploring a quaint little town somewhere in Europe; sitting and sipping in coffee shops; immersing myself in creative activities, and talking or writing about the things I believe we need to bring more awareness to. These, above all else, enrich my soul.
I am not the girl you’ll hear from often. I’ll go weeks and months alone in a room somewhere, frantically creating, crying, expressing, raging—because that’s where I find those magical moments, lost in my thoughts and my imagination, amidst a hurricane of feelings I hide or do not speak about out of fear that I’ll never find anyone who will truly comprehend. They may nod their head in agreement and pretend that they understand, but I know all too well that some things are just too messy, too complex, too intense for anyone else but ourselves to fathom. Instead, I will drive all that loneliness, that rage, that conflict, confusion and longing to be heard into my work, and if I ever choose to resurface from my world of chaos to re-engage with the one we live in, it will only be to have conversations with someone who feeds my soul.
I am not the girl who wants to be noticed for looks, but rather for what she does and what she cares about. It is not sufficient to be acknowledged for appearance alone, when there is a universe of emotion, stories, experiences, dreams, wisdom and visions behind all of this exterior. I cannot take a man seriously for complimenting a woman on something as superficial as looks, while failing to acknowledge that this is the most powerless, inefficient and poorest way to show admiration toward anyone.
I am not the girl who knows how to settle down. I prefer to be alone, independent, wild, and dedicate the majority of my time to being immersed in activities I love. It may sound selfish, but I have found that being selfish with my time and energy has contributed to self-development, and becoming familiar with exactly what sort of soul I want to be, and therefore knowing the sort of soul I want to interact with. My freedom, I value above all else. I do not need anyone to entertain me or keep me company. I have a rich, complex inner life and that is enough to keep me occupied for days, weeks and months.
I am not that girl who cares for trends. I care about legacy and change, along with some of the characteristics a human must possess to create it. I care about the impact we have on the world through our thoughts, the actions we perform, the little things we do everyday, that eventually become huge life-changing things that can benefit others as well as ourselves.
I am not the girl who will be impressed by anything you own, but rather for the kindness of your heart, your values, how you remain true to yourself, take care not to hurt the ones you love, help those who need help, and question everything. I admire the mavericks who took the risk even when everyone said it wouldn’t work. The ones who reject everything in this world designed to rid us of our power, and choose instead to create a new one that resonates with their soul. I admire those who read, have a desire to learn, better themselves and recognise that the true gift is in giving. I admire those who stand out in talking about and doing the things they believe in.
Emotional intelligence, intellect, compassion, integrity, honesty—I admire all of these things, but maybe most of all, I admire those who fight and refuse to accept things as they are, because in a world where many of us all too often choose to remain complacent, it is these fierce souls and strong leaders who bring about beautiful change.
All of these (and many more) are the reasons we choose the company we do, and avoid the places our more extroverted friends like to go to, to have “fun.”
Author: Jwaydan Moyine
Editor: Emily Bartran
Photo: Author’s Own