I was heading out for dinner with a friend, fighting the heavy foot traffic that was swelling the streets from the surrounding offices.
My friend was talking about women and how he’d like to meet a nice girl someday. I looked briefly at the sidewalk and then lifted my head back up only to catch a brief glimpse of her feminine figure.
My buddy kept talking about someday, but I was more interested in what was happening now.
I looked back and could see her disappearing quickly into the busy crowd. There was barely a moment to spare so I had to make a decision: talk to her now or lose this opportunity forever.
I chose to talk to her.
My friend was still speaking but there wasn’t time for niceties, so I broke away and ran back through the crowd. After maneuvering through the herd I caught up to her, and just as if asking for directions I said, “excuse me.”
A look of surprise and caution formed on her face when I told her why I stopped her, then she started slowly walking away…a ton of people were walking through our conversational bubble, making it even more awkward as the space in between us widened, but I persisted.
“You walked past me and I ran back because I wanted to meet you,” I said. She was still moving away slowly, but I kept talking while staying planted to the ground. An awkward handshake through bustling bodies, an introduction and a minute later, her phone number was in my address book.
The encounter was brief, and it was even awkward, but that was the beginning of a romance which wasn’t planned or predictable.
Mostly, I believe that women would rather tell her friends about the bold man who took action and approached them like a gentleman than say that they met their partner at a bar or online—the in-person meeting is a much more romantic and exciting story.
If we men approach women as gentlemen, they are more likely to be receptive, attentive and curious, hopefully even walking away from the initial interaction appreciating the mystery behind the encounter and a smile on their faces. If we start strong it’ll demonstrate the kind of men we are and set the tone for a relationship. Approaching women like a gentleman means being honest, direct and genuinely interested in the woman we’re talking to. It also means avoiding cheap pick-up gimmicks and being up front about our intentions.
To meet our ideal partner, we should be able to lead ourselves confidently and be open to rejection. Without leading ourselves first, we won’t be able to lead others (crucial in a relationship as a man). Without being open to rejection, we can never experience victory—after all, who wins without making any failed attempts? If we want the kind of relationship we’ve always dreamed of, then we should stop waiting for permission from others, stop seeking approval for what we want and be willing to fail big time to get it.
The process of meeting our ideal partner can seem tedious, but the alternative is settling for someone we’re not truly in tune with just because he or she happens to like us, and there are no other options.
Here are some things that have worked for me to get my own girlfriend.
1) Be yourself.
Pretending to be something we’re not is a great way to repel women. Being real means we’re vulnerable and exposing ourselves, showing who we really are.
2) Speak up.
As a man, we want to be heard, so we need to speak up. One of the creepiest things is when a man talks to a woman and automatically lowers his voice in submission, exposing his lack of confidence.
3) Show genuine interest.
We shouldn’t talk about ourselves (initially); talk about her. It’s a simple concept, but so many of us still ask, “What do I talk about?” Show interest in her, and the conversation topic will be taken care of. We should want to learn all we can about our prospective girlfriend, and she will appreciate the interest.
4) Speak like a gentleman.
A gentleman speaks in an educated vocabulary and tone of voice. His words flow and his voice is soothing, deep and relaxed.
We don’t need to go to Harvard; we just need to read books and practice speaking slowly.
5) Face the fear.
Don’t run away from this challenge, or others—face the fear. How we really feel about ourselves will come out in our personalities and behaviors. This builds confidence, and women will be able to tell whether we are actually confident or just faking it pretty quickly.
6) Approach assertively but gently.
No one likes a sleazy pick-up line. When we talk to women, we should do so as gentleman, being upfront, direct and tactful. A gentleman doesn’t use some technique or line just because he read a cheesy book that told him it works.
Let’s create a blueprint for our lives based on who we really want to be and stick to it. Values don’t count if they’re just an afterthought.
*An earlier version of this article was originally published on Elite Daily.
Author: Eddy Baller
Editor: Renée Picard