March 11, 2016

Stop Looking for your Other Half.


“I am looking for my other half.”

This is the implicit (or sometimes, explicit) guiding force behind finding a soul mate.

The idea that becomes embedded in our subconscious thinking.

The notion that another human being is going to walk into our lives and bring along the pieces to make us complete.

The secret hope that they are only half as well—they’ve been searching to complete the puzzle, and we hold the pieces they need.

The belief that our two souls will find each other, link up, and forever be forged to journey through life and death.

This is such an alluring concept. So we hang on to it.

But it is beautifully flawed.

We hope that this new soul will have the ability to fill the gaps in our hearts, the potential to bring us constant joy.

And in the beginning of a budding romance, this works.

The newness, the excitement, the exploration and the lust produce a form of exhilaration so grand, we believe it can last forever.

Finally, we feel like everything is coming together. Finally, we are happy—because our soul mate has arrived.

But then, as time progresses, the adventure of exploring another human being slips away. We stop finding solace in the discovery of their intricacies.

The novelty has worn off.

We get angry that our partner is no longer able to alleviate our unhappiness.

And we become bored.

So, maybe we begin searching again. Searching for something new. Searching for a way to fill the mental space that, if left unfilled, will serve as the glaring reminder of some real wisdom waiting to be discovered.

Because there is a lesson here, waiting to be let out, hoping to break this cycle.

And the lesson is this: The only person who can make us whole is staring at us through our own reflection.

Peace and joy are already within us; we just need to figure out how to access them.

We need to learn how to make ourselves whole, through whatever means necessary–yoga, meditation, therapy, writing, travel, religion, hobbies, careers.

Once this happens, we open ourselves up to a concept even more beautiful than finding another half.

We become capable of finding a partner, a mate for the soul, rather than a soul mate.

This is so refreshing.

Because the novelty of a new love will still wear off. The adventure of exploring another human being will undoubtedly dissipate.

But in its place will be contentment and peace, rather than boredom, anxiety, and emptiness.

This new type of relationship will bring freedom. A knowledge that our hearts and happiness can survive alone, but we are instead choosing company.

A significant other becomes a chosen companion to enhance our time on earth.

They are no longer a lifeline we cannot breathe without.

This puts so much less pressure on our lovers and on our relationship.

It is no longer our partner’s responsibility to entertain our minds, hearts, and spirits. It is our own.

We can no longer become angry with them because of boredom. We need to get real, get authentic, and do some digging to find out what is really happening inside.

Once we do, believe it or not, our wholeness can be achieved even within the confines of isolation.

As said by Buddha, “Do not look for a sanctuary in anyone except yourself.”



Author: Alissa Lastres

Editor: Emily Bartran

Photo: Pexels

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