March 8, 2016

Why I’ll Never Fall in Love Again.

Sodanie Chea/Flickr

Falling in love is exhilarating. There is a reason for this… When we fall in love, we also lose control of aspects of our mind. Plus, our body is flooded with chemicals that are produced due to the numerous emotions now swirling around our system.

When we fall in love we make a disorientating descent rather than soaring upwards toward a freer elevated version of love.

Falling is associated with physically, emotionally or mentally lowering.

Whenever our body falls and hits the ground hard we injure ourselves physically and experience aches and pains. When we fall ill it is because our immunity to illness or disease has lowered. Whenever our emotions lower internally we experience anguish and emotional pain. Whenever our hormones or the chemicals in our body fall to low levels or when a dysfunctional situation pulls on us and weighs us down, we suffer psychologically and our mental health levels drop and we struggle mentally.

Yet, we rarely question why we allow ourselves to fall in love, especially when we are falling while intoxicated with an elixir of chemicals.  

When we fall in love we unconsciously encourage a concoction of emotions to entwine and erupt. Within a relatively short space of time we experience the fear of abandonment if we lose the connection, the excitement of finding someone with whom we share an intense bond, the hope that it is going to last a lifetime and provide us with the fairytale ending that we have been dreaming of. We also go through phases of lust, passion, pleasure, joy, happiness, jealousy and a fair share of heartache and pain. All of these emotions place demands and pressure on love and we are then left in a panic feeling bewildered and shattered when cracks show through and the relationship starts to crumble. 

We are falling and associating the drop with love, when really it is lust and attraction that we are experiencing, though we accuse “love” of causing the turbulence. The reason for our suffering is that we are grasping on to threads of love while also clutching at a myriad of other low vibrational entities that, when combined, weigh us down.

When we fall in love we put our faith in someone else catching us and providing us with a safe landing. We place an expectation on them to keep us safe from harm and rescue us if we are injured because of the fall, as we think it is partly their fault. We also hope they will protect and save us from being struck and hurt by unexpected obstacles that hit us while we are on the way down. 

When we perceive our situation as though we are falling with someone, we also attach the responsibility for any trauma we endure onto our partner-in-flight. We believe any emotional pain we experience must be their fault as before we fell we were stable—or at least we convince ourselves we were.

Basically, when we fall, we become co-dependent as we hope the other person will meet all our needs in the relationship and we also expect exclusivity with the other person. We are essentially more concerned with our own needs than we are with the other persons and yet, we are hoping the other person will satisfy and fill any gaps we feel we are missing. Often, our preconceived idea of love is that it is secure and will deliver us a trusty companion that offers comfort and allows us to escape from loneliness.

However, love is unpredictable and there are no guarantees or certainties that whatever we are wishing for will be realized or that the person who we have chosen to fall with will be the one to rescue us if we land awkwardly and need consoling. We forget, that they are also falling and also blinded by the onslaught of emotions flushing through them, so they will not be aware or prepared to take care of all of our requirements as well as their own.  

Whenever we fall blindly in love we are not channeling the energy it holds so we end up with high expectations for it, while doing very little work to direct it. We then place a variety of conditions and attachments onto the love and project an imprint as to how we think it should look and feel. The love is then infused with low vibrational emotions such as worry, frustration, anger, disappointment and resentment that pull us down. We enter the fall with the hope of receiving some kind of reward, even if that is just to alleviate loneliness or to fill a void and the illusion of whatever we are hoping for never lives up to the reality. Even if we try to remain positive and revel in the happier moments, the negative emotions will constantly eat away at us and make us feel low and then we fall even lower.

We know that we are capable of rising in love as when we love our children or a close family member, or for many people, a cherished pet. These are times when we do not fall in love or suffer for the love. Our love is an offering and it inspires joy, harmony, happiness, nurture and growth. Although there may be difficult times, we never look to blame the love or see it as being on a downward spiral or one that we want to separate from. We view any troubles as an aspect of the bond that sits alongside love and we work towards resolving problems so that we build a stronger bond and also so that the dynamic remains secure.

In a romantic relationship, when we fall in love, we often hold the other person responsible for any downward movements and relate the drop directly to the love we are sharing with them. Then, when things go wrong we shame and blame the other person and try to disentangle ourselves emotionally, or physically remove ourselves.

We automatically think that love is at fault whenever it causes us hardship and we are infuriated with the other person when they do not live up to our high standards. However, it is our own carelessness that has caused us to fall. We jump into what we believe to be “love” without looking where we were going or without first knowing very much about whom we are falling with.

We are the ones responsible when the fantasy we created crumbles away. Love isn’t accountable and neither is anyone else.

Rather than falling in love we should rise in love. We rise when we are not hoping to receive anything at all from the other person as we are already fulfilled through everything we have offered ourselves. When we are capable of loving ourselves completely, we will not seek out others to fill any voids. We will see that no one else is capable of hurting us as any pain that we experience is caused by our own beliefs and mind.

It is then that we rise higher and not only that, we lift others around us too.

We let go of the expectation of the “perfect love” and offer our love unconditionally where it receives the space it needs to breathe, grow and travel upwards where there are no limitations. We do not offer it in hope of return, we send out love because we love ourselves entirely and the radiation of our internal love touches everyone around us, not just the one person we have chosen to unite with. The love is then fueled with high vibrational emotions and we will feel as though we are expanding, floating, soaring and carried blissfully along appreciating each moment as it arrives, without looking too far back or forward.

It takes an incredible amount of strength to love someone wholly and completely. It takes courage to show up, be vulnerable and to allow our flaws and weaknesses to blaze through so that they receive the opportunity to be held, adored and accepted. It takes a tremendous amount of faith to know that we can love with every cell in our bodies and know that we are going to be okay regardless of whether the love we give is reciprocated or whether someone plays with it or burns it at the stake.

It takes fearlessness to know that we do not need to hold on to love or to know what direction it is flowing in. 

It takes belief in ourselves to know that instead of falling and not knowing whether we will land safely or crash and face conflict and chaos there is another option—one that never fails.

It is the simplest thing in the world and takes no courage, belief, strength or faith to decide to love ourselves all the way from the inside out. And it only takes a second and happens instantaneously. We just have to connect with our heart and feel.

Then, instead of falling in love…

We can just be love. Love is within.

All the love we could ever need already exists internally. We never need to look for it in anyone or anything else. Other people’s love is a bonus, not a necessity.

When we tap into our own source of love we naturally rise in it.


Author: Alex Myles

Editor: Travis May

Image: Sodanie Chea/ Flickr


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