April 11, 2016

“Maybe You’re Perfect Now—Maybe You Don’t Want to Ruin That.”

Widow, Woman, Morning, Lady, Old, Old House

“Run my dear, from anything that may not strengthen your precious budding wings. Run like hell my dear, from anyone likely to put a sharp knife into the sacred tender vision of your beautiful heart.” ~ Hafiz

To my brothers who are trying their hardest to be the man that they know they are destined to be, and to my sisters who go to sleep each evening wondering how life can possibly get any harder, just know this—I’ve got you.

I understand that the place you are at now is not where you wanted to be—but nor is it where you will end up.

We are just at one stop on a very long journey. Sometimes we can get so preoccupied searching for those things that others tell us are important to our perceived success, that we forget the biggest thing we don’t want to ruin is simply ourselves.

We have been so misunderstood by others that at times, we have doubted ourselves and our passions. We have had our hearts broken by those who didn’t even know they held them, and we’ve spent countless nights under a starry sky working for the life that we knew was waiting for us all along.

And so here we are, comfortable with the person we are and even more at peace with our place in this world, even if it is small and simple compared to what a society saturated in commercialism tells us that we should aspire toward.

But the thing is my loves, maybe it’s not that something is wrong with you—but that you have finally got it right.

It’s not that you aren’t hoping that one day you may meet someone who craves sunrises like you do, someone who sees a map not as a place with boundaries but as an adventure just waiting to unfold. Someone who will make your knees shake and your heart feel like it’s suddenly fallen into a home that while it’s never before known, has existed for quite some time.

But right now, you’re kind of perfect—maybe for the first time in a long time, if ever at all—and you know what? That’s a beautiful godd*mn thing.

Despite what bitter atrocities others may try to feed you, you don’t need someone in your life who doesn’t truly value being there. You don’t need drama to distract you from yourself and your goals, and you don’t even need someone to keep you from being by yourself because you’ve realized that is when you are most at peace.

You’ve been through a lot, and you’ve worked on yourself until your hands blistered and tears ran down your dusty cheeks—but baby, when you finally bloomed, it was enough to set the world on fire.

We knew you were amazing, and were going to aspire to great heights, but this—this was beyond our wildest expectations.

So, it’s okay where you are right now—you’ve finally found you and made a little niche in the world with your sweet slumbering grace and awe inspiring intelligence, and now you’re just not so sure that you want to mess it up.

While I can promise you that not every ill-fated love or relationship will destroy your inner peace—the truth is that I can’t guarantee that it won’t.

Sometimes we finally find ourselves steady after not having solid ground under our feet for so long that we need to hold onto to that until we can be sure that it isn’t just a fluke and that we really have survived what we thought just might kill us.

So go ahead, live your life, and don’t be sorry because you don’t have someone to share noodles with on a rainy Friday night—because sometimes we are meant to be alone, and there isn’t anything wrong with that.

Whatever you do, don’t let someone make you believe that having someone is better than having no one—because you know the truth already, and that is why these words have found their way into your budding heart.

When you suddenly piece yourself together and fall in love with even your darkness and wrinkles, when you can send love to those who hurt you—you also do not need just another body to act as a band-aid to cover up the wounds you have healed yourself.

The truth is maybe right now you are perfect in your intricate imperfections and dizzying realness and so you don’t want to mess that up—and you know what? Good.

Time alone strengthening our roots in solitude is often underestimated by those who need constant attention in order to feel like they are flourishing.

But you don’t buy into it and that is why you will grow further than anyone ever anticipated.

Don’t rush the process, because what you are feeling right now is exactly what you need to experience. Sometimes we need to figure out who we are independent of what everyone else already knows us to be.

You are amazing right now in your cobalt blue aura of peace and your heart that radiates love out to others like a spotlight on the darkest of nights. You try to treat others how you want to be treated, yet have learned the valuable lesson of separating people from their actions.

You are right on time—and don’t let anyone ever tell you different.

And when the timing is right everything else will fall into place too.

But right now, you are exactly where you are supposed to be but I do promise you that when someone does come along who wishes to join you instead of changing you; you will be in the place to recognize that difference.

You have learned the discrepancy between what you want versus what you need, and you have finally reached the place where you are not just happy with yourself but at peace as well. It’s this newfound knowledge that makes all the difference.

You aren’t looking for someone to keep you company, or even to take up space in your life—because right now you are perfect just as you are.

And maybe right now you just don’t want to ruin that.


Author: Kate Rose

Editor: Caitlin Oriel

Image: Pixabay // Ezra Jeffrey/Unsplash

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