May 24, 2016

7 Ways to Stop the Inner Bully & Instead Connect with our Authentic Selves.

derek maguire/Flickr

Connecting with the self isn’t as difficult as you may think.

I am a bully!

Since as far back as I can remember I have been a bully.

And in return, I attracted many bullies into my life. Seriously. Many.

I have been made fun of, isolated, alienated, physically attacked and emotionally abused all of my life. And not just by peers, but by family members too.

This behavior continued all through my adult life as well. Constantly struggling to have deep relationships, being isolated and made fun of, being blamed for things I didn’t do, being accused of things that were absurd, and judged for who I am, how I dress, and more.

And I allowed it all to happen to me!

But do you know what is worse than being bullied?

Being the bully!

I realized after the last time I was bullied (accused of having an affair with my boss), that I was attracting this into my life because of my own behavior!

I was a bully!

I was doing all the things that were done to me…to myself!

I isolated myself. I emotionally and physically abused myself. And I made fun of myself, laughed at myself and truly believed that I was a horrible, unworthy and unlovable person.

And because I treated myself so poorly, I opened up energetically to attract others who would do the same, which caused me to further bully myself. The bullying cycle continued over and over again.

It wasn’t until the last bullying experience that I woke up and realized I was creating it and allowing it to happen because of my own feelings of unworthiness. The universe was simply matching my vibration.

Can you relate?

How did I finally break free of this cycle? I followed these seven steps over and over again (and still do):

First, I made the choice to stop the cycle. I committed wholeheartedly to me. I began to pay attention to my thoughts and behaviors. What were the triggers that were causing me to respond in a way that was unpleasant? How was my body feeling? I witnessed myself in relationship to others and took lots of notes. This helped me to really learn more about who I am and how I respond to my environment.

Second, I changed my story. I came to realize that I was born into a story that wasn’t mine. I was playing a fictional character that lived in a story that was based on the beliefs of my parents, family members, church, school and society. I spent a lot of time getting to know the authentic me and allowed her to shine. I chose to feed my true self and she began to grow from this nourishment.

Third, I stepped up. I took responsibility for my pain, thoughts and behaviors. I realized I had a choice and I was choosing how to respond in every situation. I no longer wanted to be the empowered victim. The blame game ended quickly as I began to take ownership of myself.

Fourth, I spoke more kindly to myself. I observed what language I was using and began to change my view of self, others and my relationship and connection with everything in the world. Daily affirmations, that I believed to be true, replaced phrases that contained words like “should,” “can’t” and “won’t.” I read these affirmations every day, several times a day, while looking in a mirror.

Fifth, I began a practice of self-love. I created a system of doing something that nourishes me every single day, even if it is just for a few minutes. I spend time admiring my qualities and strengths. I don’t take myself too seriously and allow my imperfections to be seen. I am, after all, a human being.

Sixth, I let go. I let go of all that no longer served me. I learned to surrender to the universe anything that brought me down and was keeping my energy low. I simply released it from my being and created space for a new way of being. I am still doing this.

And finally, I surrounded myself with a tribe of like-minded people who supported and loved me unconditionally. I could be vulnerable, speak my truth, and ask for help without judgment.

And since I have awakened, the bullying has mostly stopped. I accept myself as I am, love myself unconditionally, and have found my worth.

Was this easy to do? No, but the end result is worth it. I am still a work in progress.

I made a commitment to self. I now know how to stop the bullying within. Whenever it begins, I know that there is something greater waiting for me when I move through the darkness into the light. So I do the work.

I now attract love, kindness, compassion and deep, beautiful relationships into my life because I changed the most important relationship I could have—the one with myself.

Love and light!


Relephant Read:

3 Creative Activities to Enhance Positive Self-Image.


Author: Kimberly Campolattaro

Apprentice Editor: Pavita Singh/ Editor: Travis May

Image: derek maguire/Flickr

Leave a Thoughtful Comment

Read 0 comments and reply

Top Contributors Latest

Kimberly Campolattaro