May 31, 2016

Will You Catch Me if I Fall for You?


falling crash

“Do you ever put your arms out and just spin and spin and spin? Well, that is what love feels like—everything inside of you tells you to stop before you fall but you just keep going.” ~ Alice Hoffman, Practical Magic

I’m teetering on the edge. I’m at the brink of denial and walking away forever versus surrendering to love.

I am dancing along the edge, swaying my hips in possibility and desire so ripe it makes my skin dewy in anticipation. Will I fall or will I turn and leave this serendipitous spot, pretending that I was never here in the first place.

There wasn’t a clear path to where I am now. Maybe if there was, I would have chosen to turn around and never venture here in the first place.

But that is the thing about falling in love, sometimes we just don’t expect it.

At times love just appears around the corner, hidden from our vision until we are already submersed in the beautiful confusion of our feelings, but still in a place where we haven’t taken action.

I don’t know if I will fall or if I will run far away, as I try to pretend that you never existed. All the while, waking up to dreams that tell the truth instead of the lies I attempt to spin.

But, if I decide to go slowly and not run this time, will you catch me?

Will you let me know that it is okay to fall? That there is a reason for all of my feelings, while experiencing lingering moments, like jasmine incense against the black drop of a starry sky in June.

Will you fall too?

Or will you stay on the edge, watching me muddle around by myself pretending that you never had a desire to join me? Or will you be the one to take my hand and lead me through the hurtful briars, on our way to the radiant tangerine sunrise on the other side.

I’m not looking to be saved. But I still need you to catch me if I do decide to stretch my shining obsidian wings and take the leap off the edge of reason into your arms of possibility.

My path has been worn with a single set of foot prints, and while it has been safe and necessary for me to learn how to traverse the wild on my own, now I am here on this cliff. And while I haven’t turned away from it this time, I also don’t know if I can take the leap. not knowing if you will be here or not.

Perhaps you’re in a completely different place than me, and while we each are creating our own empires, slick with the sweat of our ambition and seasoned sweet with the dreams that we never give up, I might be a risk that you’re unwilling to take.

I can’t entirely blame you, because there was a time when stepped backward into the safe cover of the forest and I’d see all of the reasons why it was futile to take the leap. Yet as I continued on my way, I came to see that the reasons were only my fears trying to convince my head not to believe the truth in my heart.

“Your task is no to seek for love, but merey to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ~ Rumi

I didn’t know what I was looking for until I actually saw it. I’ve made the choice to open my heart to my feelings rather than listen to the convincing words in my brain.

I am here in this place of decisions, hanging soaked in clover and bittersweet berries.

While I ran from you the best I could, it was never far enough away for me to forget about you, so I’m slowly realizing that sometimes there are people who aren’t meant to leave our lives, no matter how convoluted it may seem at times.

So this time, I’m not here on the edge begging you or chasing you, trying to make you ready for something you never really expected to be a possibility. I’m here standing naked in my truth, the wind blowing my golden hair in the brilliant sunshine, asking: “If I fall for you, are you ready to catch me?”

Are you ready to quietly see what will happen if you meet me here on this cliff and we take that leap together?

The thing is I’m ready to catch you, if you decide to fall.

I know it hasn’t always been the case, but I’ve finally arrived in a spot of supple strength that enables me to simply love like you all I am.

Perhaps this is the thing I’ve needed to learn all along.

I don’t need to be anything other than who I am, in order to give someone all they need. There is an unparalleled tenderness found when we let someone complement our true selves.

I stand in this moment.

I can almost see the bottom, although I’m still unsure what the journey will be like if I fall, but it feels more real than it ever has before.

My wings are ready, and more importantly, so is my heart.

So this time, I’m simply asking, “Will you catch me if I fall for you?”

Author: Kate Rose

Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock

Photo: flickr/dollen

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