June 18, 2016

How to Analyze your “List” to Date more Mindfully.

Blue Mountains Local Studies/Flickr

This article originally appeared on MeetMindful. elephant is proud to share their content, and we think you’ll love them just as much as we do. Happy reading! ~ Ed.

Everyone has either shared or heard a tragic dating story that starts with, “He/She looked great on paper.”

You’ve probably even created—perhaps rewriting many times over—a “list” of your own, outlining all of the qualities you desire in a potential mate.

While these lists are, in theory, a pretty good starting place for honing in on what it is you are looking for in a partner, they can only go so far. Once you have a “list,” it’s easy to get hung up on finding someone who satisfies every little aspect of your laundry list of traits. This may make your dating process more frustrating and limiting.

Additionally, getting stuck on your list can limit what you are able to see beyond the confines of the list, causing you to miss out on potential love in a pretty powerful way.

Mr. and Mrs. Not-So-Right

As a client once exclaimed, “F*ck what’s on paper!”

The thing is, when you get wrapped up in finding Mr. or Mrs. Right who looks great “on paper,” you may unknowingly miss the all-too-important and hard to see traits that make that Mr. or Mrs. Right look far-less right for you.

Again, it’s important to have a good idea of the qualities and deal-breakers you find important, but tune in to see why it’s time to start dating beyond, “He/she looks great on paper.”

Your “Looks Great on Paper” List

Create and/or Review Your “List.”

These are the qualities that you either consciously or less-consciously look for in a potential mate. This usually includes some of the following—and don’t be afraid to put every little detail down (even the secret ones you don’t advertise).

Physical: Height, weight, body type, hair color, eye color, posture, body features, ethnicity/race…

Background: Family make-up, birth order, socioeconomic background, nuclear, single or blended family, close or distant to family, region he/she grew up in…

Personality: Extroverted/Introverted, funny, outgoing, shy, quiet…

Religion/Spirituality: agnostic, atheist, specific religious affiliation, spiritual…

Occupation: Gainfully employed, making ends meet with several jobs, specific industries (e.g., medicine, law, finance, business, teaching) or less specific, works long hours or works fewer hours…

Education: College or postgraduate education, self-taught, trade school, high school diploma, enjoys self-directed learning…

Activities: Yoga, meditation, outdoor versus indoor activities, group versus solo activities… 

Interests: Philanthropy, volunteering, craft brewing, travel…

Lifestyle: Diet, health behaviors, activity level active versus homebody…

Chances are good that you created this list from years of being influenced by your family, culture, community and society in general, including the not-so-real-fairy-tales you’ve been told and shown your whole life. It may help to reflect on the origins of your list a little further for your own purposes.

Now analyze it. Take a long, close look at it and ask yourself these questions…

…Follow us over to MeetMindful to finish reading How to Analyze your “List” to Date more Mindfully.


Author: Kristen Hick

Image: Blue Mountains Local Studies/Flickr 

Editors: Katarina Tavčar; Emily Bartran

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