June 8, 2016

When the Dating Game is Dull, Spice it up with these 4 Words.

Public Domain/http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/view-image.php?image=154774&picture=retro-pin-up-lady-art-collage

I’m a hopeless romantic.

I admit I’ve dreamt one too many times of that moment when time stands still and I meet “the one.”

In that moment, an inner-earthquake occurs, shattering my perception of my life as I now know it. This shattering is not a broken-self kind of shattering. It is the quake that actually reveals a goldmine of inner-wealth that only this certain person could reveal to me. As cliché as it sounds, he would be my missing link, the one that brings my whole world into alignment.

I continue to write about love—not just about romantic love, but self-love, love of humanity, loving your past, and loving your passions and your work. But, what I’ve left out is the grandest, most juicy, hot-and-spicy-sauce love of all.

This big, bad*ss, Harley ridin’ type of love is something I can’t just boldly say in a few words.

Let me tell you my story, and you will understand more of what I’m only now beginning to comprehend. It’s time for you, the reader, to embrace your inner empath. So, take a deep breath, go into your heart and get ready to explore my tale, which may touch into yours—a little or a lot.

I went to a psychic with my ex when our daughter was just over a year old—I know, some of you may be getting skeptical already, but bear with me, please! I do intuitive work in my own healing practice and just as I sought out this psychic, clients seek me out when they are feeling stuck or going through an uncomfortable transition in their life. And love is one of the main concerns people that people have in sessions. Next to death and job changes, love is what turns people topsy turvy inside, goading them into seeking an outsider’s opinion to help them get their head on straight.

My daughter’s father and I did not have the most smooth-sailing relationship. It was actually an “oops” pregnancy. Use of the rhythm method went off-beat, which allowed our sweet daughter a perfect entry point into this world. We were already on the rocks at the time of conception, and even broke up for a few days before I found out that one of my life’s desires was coming true!

Her father did the stand up thing and said he was willing to make it work with me, for Wren’s sake. Thus, we began the pregnancy together, where he was wonderful and supportive. Fast forward to two years later and we found ourselves sitting on a black leather couch with brightly colored sequins and furry pillows cushioning us perhaps a little too close for comfort.

As this strong-minded, no-nonsense older Jewish woman went on about how hard we would have to work together to be content, my awareness started to drift. The future she described seemed bleak. Suddenly, in my mind’s eye, I saw myself sitting on a tan couch with a very different set of legs at my side. I felt the presence of him—the one with whom I was more compatible, and the connection wasn’t as much work as it was play. In this vision, I saw only our legs and hands, gently intertwined in a firm yet relaxed “I love you” grasp. The energy between us was that of best friends—buddies who, while different, just got each other, and when together created a warm, cuddly vibe that could conjure the fairies and melt ice.

Needless to say, a tense car-ride home left me feeling quite confused. Despite what this woman said, I knew we were not going to be together for life. I also knew she kept emphasizing the word choice, and that word gave me the freedom to envision something better than this for a while.

My vision was a premonition of what was to come. And in that space, I got a taste of this big, bad*ss love from a cosmic force—a force we are all made up of, which is much bigger than our human minds can even comprehend.

This or something better. 

I’d heard that before. New-age philosophy loves the phrase: ask for this or something better. By suggesting there is something better, we are actually surrendering our control and trusting that there may be a better plan for us than the one we have mapped out for ourselves.

I’m all about visioning. I think it’s important to create an intention for something. I want a relationship, hence, I have set the intention to have a committed, long-term connection that leads to marriage with a grounded, passionate and open-minded, fun-loving man who loves children and wants a family. I have an idea of what I’m looking for—but my idea is really very limited. Thus, I can expand my dream’s potential by adding in: this or something better.

How to use this bad*ss statement in your own life:

There is a comfort in asking for “something better.” It’s like a mom caressing the head of a small child who is feeling frightened.

I’ve just recently hit a wall in my dating life. I’ve been meeting great men, but as a business owner and mom, have had little time to see them. My inner visionary was determined to make more time recently, but, despite all earthly efforts, making more time did not lead to more dates. Instead, it has led to a dead-end, where schedules conflict and I have more time to myself—not a bad thing! But, I am stubborn and despite all the reminders I give to students and clients about letting go, I need more than a gentle goad to really get it myself—sometimes a zonk on the head by an iron-fist is what gets me to loosen my grip and remember I’m not in a fight. When I loosen up, I am opening to love here and now, and the moment becomes my lovemaking companion.

Over my boy-crushing lifetime, I have had a tad more than a few zillion rounds of cathartic tears over my lack of control in love, sandwiched by thoughts of defeat: Will I ever have a lasting relationship? Is it my fate to just long for love? Am I meant to be alone forever? Is this some kind of cosmic joke?

Cosmic joke. Aha. Now we’re getting to something. The cosmos is a deep mystery. The star-crossed lovers is not a made up tale. Losing a spouse too soon happens. Meeting your soulmate and realizing they are married— and happily—are just a few scenarios that make us wonder—why is it so?

And when we ask the question why, it reverberates out a thousand times into the black hole amidst the stars. We literally bang the universal gong, which echoes back an answer. And the answer comes when we let go.

Letting go is not easy. Letting go is not for the faint of heart. It kind of requires letting go of your Master’s degree touting, overthinking and control-freak sense of self and taking some time to just tickle your bare-feet with the sand—looking up at the breezy blue sky and realizing there’s nothing to do but stop doing. In our not-doing, blue sky appreciating self, we breathe, we smile, we remember why we are really here: to love all of it!

In the not doing, we connect with the vibration of the universe you might call harmony or flow. And when we are tapped into our most carefree, wide-eyed and child-like self, then we can simply whisper the words: this or something better.

After the whisper, we receive the waves, so be ready.

The paradox here is that we are ready for nothing, because when we ask in a whisper, then we are not so desperate to receive. We are unattached. And an unattached human is a perfect vessel to receive the blessings of love. Why? Well that’s a whole different tale to tell. And I don’t want to spoil it for you just yet. It’s better that you and I live that answer!

How to whisper the words:

You first must find your own statement that feels expansive when you say it! We are all such unique creatures. What works for some, may not for others. This or something better resonates for me. Some like: something for my highest and best. Other people may prefer: The highest and best for all. This resonates with the Buddhist prayer: May all beings be happy, healthy and free from suffering. Remember the all includes you!

So, I have currently jumped on the back of the cosmic Harley for a wild ride. I’m wearing a helmet with my leather jacket, because I prefer to err on the side of caution. I am here, in this moment, delighting in writing these words for you.

I honestly don’t know what tomorrow will hold. I know what my schedule looks like this week and how little time I may have to go on a date or even walk solo in a park, soaking in the sights and sounds of our dear planet Earth. The one thing I do know is the comfort with which my new mantra caresses my worries. Like a gentle blanket, I am choosing to put it on when my thoughts or feelings get a bit chilly.

Every time I say it, I open the door to new and exciting possibility. Here I am: singing out loud to the world my internal song. Do you want to join me? If so, try it out for three days. Yes, not one. The mind needs repetition to really begin to break a habit (ultimately, 21 days—but three is a start!). And, you may just not want to stop using it!

So, dear reader, try it and comment below on how it went for you. Sharing your story can open someone else to their own.

Let’s lift each other up—one self-love story at a time!

With love, from my Hopeful Romantic Heart to yours.




Author: Sarah Lamb

Image: Public Domain

Editors: Emily Bartran: Renée Picard

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