July 2, 2016

Seeking the Light: A Journey out from the Murky Depths of Anxiety & Self-Doubt. {Poem}

Flickr/Matin Moghaddas

I don’t think I am unique when it comes to experiencing crippling anxiety that can lead to self doubt and questioning one’s self-worth.

Life gets messy, relationships can get complicated, and the downward spiral can be all consuming. We can feel lost, out of control and insecure. We may find ourselves competing with or comparing ourselves to others when we already possess unique qualities within ourselves that make us special. I blame a lot of it on social media and the image of “perfect” and “always happy” has on us. If our lives aren’t as good as everyone else’s looks, we end up feeling like we are living at a deficit.

The key to finding a way out of the vortex is by “re-cognizing” our own greatness. Re-cognition literally means to identify with something as having been previously seen, heard or known. When we lose sight of ourselves and what makes us special and unique, we are no longer re-cognizing our truth, and we end up living from a place of fear and separation instead of from a place of love and inclusion. Taking time out for just ourselves to take stock of all the things we do have to be grateful for, helps us to circle back to our truth and beauty, so we can live from a place of abundance.

This poem describes just such a journey…


Seeking the Light.

And so it begins….again.

I find myself adrift in a tempest of my own making—

Speeding headlong to judgements
Cliff diving to conclusions
The anxious knot takes up residence in the pit of my stomach
Sickening delusion clouds my reality.

The gnawing fear
That those I care for will leave
That I will be replaced
…or abandoned.

Disjointed doubts storm my brain
Overshadowing the beautiful truths that lay hidden
Beneath the murk of my mind.

The fear is so damn thick,
I almost can’t see my way out.

Capsized and struggling to stay afloat…

I clamber blindly,
Desperately reaching out
For reassurances
That help me surface above the
Asphyxiating darkness of my mind.

Rescue comes
I catch my breath—
Until the next wave
Takes me back down
Into my murky depths.

It is a cycle that plays itself out too frequently.
The all-consuming fear of being

A little voice tells me I am tiresome
And merely tolerated—
Not worthy of those I love and care for.

How much more can they take,
Before they walk away
And my fear becomes a reality?

I allow myself to curl up and cry
I beg for peace
To calm my anxious heart.

Fear has brought me to this dark place,
Love is the only thing that can pull me out.

The love and support of others
Will only keep me afloat for so long.

My ballast has to be me—
The unconditional devotion
Needs to come from the wellspring
That is my soul.

I remember and embrace my true nature—

Hand on my heart
Depth in my breath
The swirl of chaos comes to a standstill.

I am already whole.
A divine being of light,
Connected to everything around me.

I feel myself begin to rise above my darkness…

The cruel illusion of separation begins to wane
Evaporating the need to compete and cling.
I release my grip and surrender to what is
And allow myself to flow with the current.

I see the blessings that abound in front of me
The joy that surrounds me
The laughter, the tears, the love
And I feel a profound intimacy with all of it.

I create my heaven
As well as my hell
I am master of my own life
And destroyer of my own universe.

The choice to see abundance over lack,
Connection over separation and
Love over fear
Creates the world I experience.

Stillness in my heart
Light radiates from within…

May I be the beacon that rises above the storm.


Author: Kristen Luther

Image: Flickr/Matin Moghaddas

Editors: Yoli Ramazzina; Caitlin Oriel

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Kristen Luther