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October 11, 2016

Speak about it & you’ll Ruin it: Why we should Keep our Love Lives Private.

relationshipstatus

 

 

“I don’t know why people are so keen to put the details of their private life in public; they forget that invisibility is a superpower.” ~ Banksy

There was a time when a relationship was only about the two people in it.

Few, if any, knew when two people began talking, and that continued well into whatever their relationship progressed into. Facebook has destroyed this.

Now when we are involved with someone, we are also involved with that person’s Facebook friends—who love nothing more than to comment and offer their opinion on our relationship.

Somehow we’ve become confused about exactly what love and romantic relationships are all about.

We think that likes are equivalent to interest, that comments are the root of our worth and that anything of value is also worth advertising.

We’ve lost the sacredness of love.

We’ve let ourselves become bought and sold on the Facebook market, which teaches us to belittle our values and strive for the appreciation and adoration of the masses—those who don’t matter, those who don’t hold us close and foster our greatest dreams.

The more secure we are in our relationship, the less we should need any evidence of it on Facebook or other social media sites.

In fact, maybe it’s time to make #privacymatters the new hashtag.

Maybe it’s time to take some pictures that no one sees but those who are in it.

Maybe it’s time for some giggling phone calls, late night rendezvous—times of magic and sincerity, where the only opinions that truly matter come from those who are spending their time together.  

Maybe it’s time to let people wonder.

It’s tempting to want to advertise what matters most to us, but when we do that we shift the relationship from being about the connection between two people to the opinion of hundreds or even thousands of others.

In some ways, we are saying that what others think of our relationship matters more than how we actually feel about it.

As loving as we try to be, the reality is that we all have our own case of humanness which can sometimes prevent us from acting out of compassion. This means that unfortunately not everyone may be sending positive vibes our way or have our best interest at heart.

When we open our lives for public speculation, we also are running the risk of letting something we feel is beautiful become tainted by those who feel threatened or insecure about it.

As I learn more about myself and how I love, I’ve come to realize that keeping someone private doesn’t mean keeping them a secret.

It means I value what we have above how others see us—and it also means I don’t need the opinion of others to feel more confident in a decision that I am already sure about.

When we decide to keep our romantic lives off social media, what we are really saying is that how we feel matters more than how others see us. I don’t plan on ever changing my Facebook status again. And I also recognize that I don’t need to use social media as a way to get closer to someone or to show others the truth inside my heart.

Maybe I’m just old-fashioned, but something inside of me tells me that the less I share of my true private life, the more special it remains. I don’t need to show others how happy I am—because I’m too happy to care whether others see it or not.

I like to keep a bit of mystery for my own pleasure. I prefer to keep those moments that make me feel most alive a treasured gift between me and the person I am sharing them with.

In reality, so much of our lives are now public—yet, it’s not the opinion of others that ultimately will determine how satisfied we are by our life, but our own internal barometer.

Opening up our love lives to the world can taint that wonderfulness with drama, and while I do believe in transparency, I also operate under the belief that some parts of my life are off limits.

I don’t need the opinions of others to know if what I am doing is making me happy or not—nor do I even need others to reaffirm that I love someone.

These are all thoughts and feelings only I can determine because in the end, no one else is in the relationship besides myself and my partner.

The main reason I have no desire to advertise my relationship status on Facebook is that I just don’t care what other people think. It doesn’t matter to me if others think we should be spending time together or not, or if they think we are a picture-perfect couple.

How others think or feel about my personal life doesn’t concern me at all.

I have come too far to let the thoughts of others persuade me from what I feel, and the reality is that there are just some secrets I enjoy having.

I love smiling and not having everyone know the reason why.

I delight in creating a life that feels good to me, without having everyone have the knowledge of exactly what it is in my life that is giving me a certain je ne sais quoi.

The more we talk about something, especially an area as sacred as our love lives—the more we increase the chance of ruining it. Our lives aren’t meant to draw strength from the opinions of others, but to become so strong that even the weakest belief can’t topple our foundation.

Because sometimes, the things that matter most to us are meant to be kept solely to ourselves.

 

Author: Kate Rose

Image: Wesley Fryer/Flickr

Editor: Nicole Cameron

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