October 4, 2016

The Ways We Hold Ourselves Back & How to Move Forward, Instead.

As I approach my 40th year, I want more.

What I mean is, I don’t want more stuff, I want more out of my life—I want more connection, more peace, greater health, more freedom.

I remember the dreams that I had scribbled on notes to my best friend in high school—the great things that I would do as I went though youth into adulthood, the perfect mother who I would be as my first child was born.

Where did that passion go? I remember I used to have that fire that fueled me. I remember having an internal power that allowed me to feel that I could do anything. At what point along my journey did the fire die out?

The words that I use to give my power away:

I don’t care.
What do you think?
Whichever you’d prefer.
It was really nothing.
Look at what I did.
What should I do?
I can’t…
I’m just…
I should..
I’m not…

The actions that held me back:

Reacting to someone’s words or actions.
Not following through with my action plan.
Needing your approval.
Not moving forward without his/her advice.

The shield that kept me safe:

I didn’t follow my heart right from the start.
I ignored my instinct.
I doubted myself.

The approval that stole my voice:

Before moving forward I required the input of
my mother,
my father,
my sister,
my brother,
my husband,
my friend,
my mentor,
my doctor,
my teacher.

As I walked through those first 38 years of my life, I didn’t even notice how I gave my power away, little bit. It’s almost easier that way, not having the responsibility for the outcome. If someone else is controlling what I do or how I do it, then I am simply not responsible for what happens.

My gift to myself in my 39th year is consciously making the decision to reclaim my power and rekindle my fire.

I started with baby steps:

1. I observe my words, thoughts and actions. I notice where I am giving away my power and how I can harness it again. When I feel myself wanting to react to a comment, I pause. What is it about this that is triggering me? What is it in this statement that is causing enough fear that I need to yell back? What am I afraid of?

2. When I find myself overwhelmed with my to-do list, I cross off what is not necessary. I can not give all of my energy to what matters most if I have spread myself too thin. I create a priority list for the day and begin with what will allow me to move in the direction of my dreams. I put my joy first.

3. I embrace even those tiny moments that fuel deeper love and connection.

4. I take time at least once a week to define what my goals are, to define what pieces of myself I want to expand and work on.

5. I have learned to be vulnerable. By allowing others to see our most authentic selves, we empower them to connect with who they truly are and what they are actually experiencing.

6. I have taken control of my health. I look at every bite of food that I put in my mouth and decide if this is in my greatest good. How will it make me feel—immediately, in an hour, tomorrow? I turn on the music and dance, I put on an exercise video for myself and the kids or sweat it out by doing some yard work. I move my body and allow myself to feel powerful.

I was meeting with my mentor and business partner recently and I mentioned that I was taking control of my health once again, working out, joined a dojo, moving more. He stopped me, made me back up and said, “A dojo? You’re not working out, you’re kicking butt!”

I responded, “I don’t know what it is, I’ve only been there a couple of times so far, but when I was punching those bags all I could think was, ‘Somehow this is going to translate over to my business. I don’t know how, but in some way, this act is going to bring power into the rest of my life.”

He made me promise to write this down to share. And so today I share this insight, that we may work together, and encourage one another to bring our inner power back into our lives.

We can bring it through our words, through punching a bag, or following through with our goals. However we decide to do it, let’s just start and take one step at a time.

Reigniting our fire is going to look different for each one of us. We don’t need to have it all laid out in an elaborate plan, just pick something and start there and then make a gentle shift somewhere else. Suddenly we will look back and not only realize how far we have come, but we will see all of the people we have touched along the way, inspired to follow their dreams, handed them the match to light their own fire.

Baby steps. And the ripple effect is going to be amazing.


Author: Gina Law

Image: Elephant Journal/Instagram

Editor: Katarina Tavčar

Leave a Thoughtful Comment

Read 0 comments and reply

Top Contributors Latest

Gina Law