November 8, 2016

230 Reasons not to Date Donald Trump.

Screw Trump. Vote for Rick!

*Warning: adult language ahead (but nothing worse that anything Trump has said before.)



Exactly 511 days ago, on June 16, 2015, Donald Trump announced his candidacy for President of the United States of America with his ridiculous slogan “Make America Great Again!”

I know that his lunatic is incapable of uttering a complete, coherent, intelligent sentence let alone run a country. But for all of you “undecided” voters out there here are 230 things that this orange haired pumpkin spice latte has said and done that make him unfit to be President.

I’m not sure what is more impressive, the fact that we are able to compile a list that’s 230 reasons long or the fact that despite all these reasons, this man is still in this race.

If I gave you 230 reasons not to eat McDonald’s you would stop eating it wouldn’t you? Yes. Except for the occasional 4 a.m. drunken lapse of judgement. We’ve all been there.

Let’s put this in simpler terms, say you meet a girl. You go on a few dates, she passes the Netflix and Chill test, she meets your parents, you meet her parents, things are looking great. She’s the one.

Then one day you’re in her apartment you accidentally trip, falling face flat on her journal. As they say, “accidents happen.” In this journal you find an entry titled, “230 reasons why no one should date me.”

Your first thought is “aww fuck.” My question to you is, do you need to actually read the 230 reasons?

Noooooo! You get up, grab your shit, you wait for your $36 Seamless order to arrive and then you get the fuck outta there.

For 511 days, Donald Trump has given us 230 reasons not to date him. (Ewww! Just saying that sounds awful.) These things aren’t made up. These aren’t rumors or assumptions. He has given actual facts, actual video footage, audio clips, actual 3 a.m. twitter rants that make him unfit for office.

Look I’m not going to tell you who you should vote for. All I’m doing is re-emphasizing the reasons why you should not vote for Trump.

So here are five of the 230 reasons, I mean five of anything is already too much isn’t it? I want, no I dare, Trump voters and undecideds to do go into work tomorrow and say or do one or all of these five things:

1. Over lunch tell one of your co-workers that in a couple of years, you’ll be dating their 14-year-old daughter.
2. Send an in office email with the subject line “Women should be punished for having abortions.”
3. Build a wall around one of your Mexican (or Hispanic) coworkers cubicle.
4. Make fun of your boss’s physical appearance.
5. Grab them (your boss) by the pussy or crotch.

If you’re able to keep your job and manage not to be punched in the face then fine, fuck it, you win and Trump wins.

Wait… what was that? Her emails? You don’t “trust” Hillary. She’s not “genuine” enough. You rather not vote for any of them? Say what?

My ears ring every time I hear someone saying how they’re not sure if they can “trust” her. Ask yourself, who do you really trust in life? Your mom, your dad, maybe one of your siblings (the one who doesn’t owe you $200 bucks)? Maybe you trust your wife, your husband…unless he or she goes into the shower and leaves their phone next to you then all bets are off.

Society is flawed and that includes Hillary Clinton. She’s flawed, yes. But the flat out hypocrisy of those who continue to slam Hillary over her private emails is just tiring. It’s a lazy argument.

Bill Maher describes it better than I can:

People who are so misinformed about Hillary, politics in general and the facts of this election.

So here we are, the eve of Election Day. Do the right thing. Put your fragile egos aside, be an adult and vote for Hillary.


Author: Cesar Suero

Image: Imgur

Editor: Khara-Jade Warren


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Cesar Suero