I am writing this for any person who’s ever looked into the future and seen a life that wasn’t worth living.
For anyone who looked at the society they were raised in and thought that it was f*cked up to such an extent that nobody would ever be able to fix it.
For all those out there who don’t feel like they have anyone who really, truly, honestly loves them, or even feel that they aren’t deserving of any future love they might receive.
I am speaking to you.
And if you’re looking for a sign not to kill yourself tonight, or an excuse to extend your life by even one more day, please accept this as it.
If no one else will say these words to you tonight, then please, hear them from me. Please.
I want you to know that I love you. And I know how hollow that sounds, coming from a stranger on the internet, but I do. I love you so much, and all I want to do is spread my arms wide and take in every person who’s ever been hurt and I want to help you. I want to be your shoulder to cry on, or your solid ground to build yourself back up if that’s what you need.
I want you to know that you’re not alone, not even when you’re sitting in an empty room wondering what the point is, because all around the world, there are millions of people doing the same thing. Some of them will make it. Some of them will grow older and they’ll fall in love and they’ll discover new passions and they’ll travel and they’ll feel the sun on their face again.
Some of them won’t. And I just want to make sure that you aren’t going to be one of the ones who won’t.
I want you to know that you are worthwhile. You are important. Even when you feel like you aren’t, you are.
Because you are the only you who is ever going to exist.
You are the only one who will ever fill your slot in the world. You are the only person built out of your personal traits, your personal abilities, likes, dislikes, thoughts, feelings—and nobody else will be quite like you. You are unique. You are an endangered species.
And when I tell you not to kill yourself tonight, I’m not saying it because I feel bad for your loved ones. Though they will certainly miss you, they aren’t the only or even the most important reason for why you should stay.
You should stay because you are important, and you won’t ever exist again.
And I want you to know that you should stay because you deserve to stay. Maybe things won’t get better, I don’t know and neither do you. But pain can be dealt with. Eventually, it might even become background noise, just a small, unpleasant side to your otherwise happy life. But in the meantime, you deserve to know what all you can do. You deserve to know how far you can go in your passion. You deserve to know what changes are awaiting you in your future. You deserve to meet all the wonderful people you are going to meet, and to appreciate all the wonderful experiences that are awaiting you.
It won’t all be happy, and some of it might even be scary, but I can promise you that someday, you will look back and be glad that you decided to keep living. Because it is worth it and it is what you deserve.
I don’t know what exactly you’re going through and I can’t pretend to, but I do know that you are loved, and you are uniquely beautiful, and you deserve to push forward and be happy. I want you to know this. So, please, don’t give up. For the sake of your friends and family, for my sake, but most importantly, for your own sake.
So if you’re reading this now, then I want you to do me a favour: I want you to try talking to someone.
Because your own mind can be deceptive and traitorous at times—it can tell you things that you do not deserve to hear, so sometimes, you might need to distance yourself from it.
And I know that opening up to someone can be difficult, especially if you are not used to it or if you do not have the immediate support system around you, but there are ways around that. If there’s no one close that you feel comfortable talking to, then call a Suicide Prevention Lifeline or you can contact a blog or a website that specializes in mental health advice. You can talk to your doctor, if you have one and feel comfortable talking to them, and they might be able to suggest a few courses of action for you to take.
Or, if none of this works for you, you can simply start writing things down in either a journal or a blog—whatever puts you most at ease. And, maybe, putting in your thoughts in another context can help you to understand them a bit better.
Look for the light in the world. It may not always seem like it’s there, but it is.
And, I know, at times, this piece of advice can seem as helpful as simply commanding you to be happy, but you only need to take small steps at first. Do something for yourself, something to put your soul at ease. Write a bucket list to remind yourself of all the things you still have to look forward to.
No, the darkness may never leave completely, but it does you no good to dwell on it—not when it’s only one side of the story. There is still so much light to be enjoyed.
National Sucicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255
Author: Ciara Hall
Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock