November 28, 2016

This is How you Know it’s Time to Say Goodbye.


Sometimes the most loving thing we can do for ourselves and our partners is to let go of our love.

Letting go of love is never easy and never pleasant.

Breaking someone’s heart hurts both people involved.

So how do you know when to move forward together and when to move forward apart?

If we find ourselves in the “should I stay or should I go” limbo—we already know our answer.

It’s time to let go when we hesitate.

Your gut is always telling you the answer—it is up to you to be brave enough to listen.

Perhaps the relationship went down a road that was more than a little bit rough. When we work through the pain and the anger, clarity is what we are left with. Perhaps we have an opportunity to salvage the relationship, to make it work, but we have one foot out the door. Or perhaps we tried to make it work for weeks, months, years and we know we aren’t capable of evolving the relationship into something stronger.

Drama often comes up in relationships for one of two reasons—we are self-sabotaging our ability to receive love, or this isn’t the love we truly want or need.

“We accept the love we believe we deserve.” ~ The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Maybe we have chosen unavailable, shitty partners for years and worked to change our belief system. Now the secure, loving partner shows up. There is no drama, they’re all in from day one. No games, no fighting our love, they want to be here with all of us. Our internal psyche can panic, feel that this lack of drama means there’s no spark because we have taught ourselves that love is struggle.

We must choose to unlearn our concept of love. We must choose to lean in.  We deserve to be loved.

But when our relationship breaks, and we are the cause?

We may be self-sabotaging. Perhaps we are still stuck with one foot in our old belief system of being unworthy of love. This is possible. Sit with this.

What is also possible? He or she isn’t it.

It can be devastating to know even the right partner isn’t necessarily the right partner. We must trust that there are many, many secure and loving people out there who have the ability to hold us.

I truly believe that any relationship can grow and evolve into something stronger if both hearts are all the way in. If there is doubt, we can recognize that all of this is part of our path and that perhaps something different lies in our heart’s future.

It’s never easy saying goodbye to someone we love. Whether it’s the first heartbreak or the tenth or twentieth—it hurts. Heartbreak hurts. We not only mourn what was, but what could’ve been. But we do not have to suffer. We do not have to feel sorry for ourselves. Deep down we created all of this. All of this is here to teach us something, to gently guide us forward.

If it is time to let go, be brave to step out of the limbo of uncertainty. Be brave to step into the unknown future, for love lives there, too.

Love is not a person.

Love is your birthright.

It will not let go of you.


Author: Annabelle Blythe

Image: Hillary Boles/Flickr

Editor: Caitlin Oriel

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