I always knew I was an old soul.
At two, I was sitting at the table with adults having full conversations.
I was done partying at 14 because I was over it.
And at 16? I got a full-time job and moved out on my own within a year.
Needless to say, I’ve always been mature for my age.
Now at 34 years old, I’m always life coaching and giving advice.
But, being an old soul in a right-swipe world has proven to be challenging for my heart. It’s not easy being an old soul in a right-swipe world… The other night I couldn’t sleep and so, appropriately, I was watching Sleepless in Seattle. You know that moment when Tom Hanks meets Meg Ryan at the top of the Empire State building after exchanging letters and having a few run-ins with fate? It is oh, so sweet.
Throughout the movie, Meg Ryan constantly watched another movie, An Affair to Remember. I was intrigued. So on my next sleepless night I channeled Meg and indulged in this classic. In those quiet moments, watching Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr’s love, I saw a reflection of my true nature. How my old soul wants to be loved.
My old soul wants to be courted. I want a man to be enamored and make a deliberate effort to “win” me. I want to be pursued.
I want him to call me, so I can hear his voice and communicate in real time. Not hide behind text messages.
I want him to plan dates, take the lead, and be a guide. Buy tickets to a show, pick me up, bring flowers. Put effort into admiring me.
I want him to be respectful, not only with his advances, but also with his language.
I want him to be charming and classy, to give clever compliments on my character instead of my looks.
I want him to know how to dance, as it is a sure way to my heart.
I want him to be protective, and never let me walk on the outside of the sidewalk because of potential danger.
I want a man that is patient and deliberate in his love.
I want that old love. That Cary Grant kind of love.
Because I know what I want; I have a list of qualities, talents and wishes I would want in a man and I try to keep my standards high.
And not to sound boastful, but I have had plenty of men come along. All different types, great guys. Guys who on paper measure up but eventually end up not being what I want.
Yes, some can refrain from dirty talk or text. Yes, some are enlightened and educated. Yes, some know how to drive a boat, and, yes, once or twice one has been able keep my attention for more than a week.
But inevitably, there is something missing. And, I realize, it’s on me, not them. I’m the weird one. I mean, so many women would be happy with the attention. They would love to be wanted. They would enjoy the companionship. They would rest easy in the security.
Not this old soul. I want deep conversation. I want a servant’s soul. I want a teammate—a respectful, encouraging, funny gentleman. In short, I want a man who recognizes and yearns for my old soul.
More often than not though, I am left feeling like the only one out there with these old school standards. Feeling like it’s hopeless.
So from time to time I find myself wanting to be like other girls who can swipe right and go from there—or the ones who go to the bars looking for a guy, or the girls who are okay with “Netflix and chill.”
But I can’t. It’s not me.
Maybe it is like Allie’s friend said in Sleepless in Seattle, “You don’t want to be in love, you want to be in love in a movie.”
That would be a nice place to start for sure.
Especially for this old soul.
So I guess I lie in waiting, like Sleeping Beauty, waiting for her prince to wake her from her slumber. Except I’m wide awake, changing the world, and impatiently waiting for the reflection of my old soul to appear.
Author: Nicolette Beale
Image: An Affair to Remember
Editor: Travis May