I have a stubborn heart.
It doesn’t want to let go,
I can feel it battling against me.
I never know which side of my head is telling the truth.
I want to let go.
I truly want to be happy.
But every time I go ahead and take that little step,
It’s like my heart keeps fighting for you.
Some days I win.
Some days I lose.
I feel lost and confined in the castle of my own heartbreak.
It can feel like I’m never going to be able to fight my way out.
And then comes a moment,
I start to see a way forward.
I tell myself the sky will clear, and sometimes, I can really believe it.
I have to live for those moments.
The moments where my faith is stronger than my pain,
The moments where little glimpses of possibility come into being,
The moments where I can feel myself coming back to life.
It’s up and down,
Sometimes I go in circles,
And some days, I end up right back where I started,
Lying in tears on the floor with my phone in my hand
Waiting for you.
It all happens in moments.
Moments of crippling depression,
Moments of perfect clarity,
Moments of empowered freedom,
Followed by moments of missing you more than I can bear.
But mostly, there are moments of being thankful for what we had
And the fact that we can still be friends after everything we’ve been through together.
I’ve come to believe that our paths are filled with these moments,
Each one serving its own unique purpose.
By their very nature, these moments weren’t made to last.
Each one comes to pass and takes it place as a split second in the tapestry of our journey to healing.
What I’ve learned is that maybe letting go doesn’t happen over night.
Maybe letting go is a continual, messy process of trying to say goodbye
To someone you are still deeply in love with.
Maybe you just have to be willing to let go,
And let time play its natural part.
Maybe you have to just keep living your life,
One day, one breath, one moment at a time.
Author: Amy Walker
Image: Courtesy of author
Editor: Deb Jarrett